Second Baby Brings Guilt About the First

“I swear I feel like I was so much more composed and organized pre-baby. LO is 15 months now and everything has been so much more chaotic and messy, will it ever stop?? Husband and I own a small business together and I took a little extra time off yesterday take LO to the pediatrician for a routine checkup. After all her shots she wasn't feeling so great and ended up with a fever that lasted all night. When her fever got to 104 Fahrenheit this morning we decided to take her back to the pediat”

“Hello all, My SO and I have been trying for baby #2 for a couple of years. It finally happened a few weeks ago. Ever since finding out, I've had this hug amount of guilt for my first child. I'm so scared he will feel less than? I'm also terrified that I won't be able to love baby #2 the way I love our first. Sometimes I feel like the guilt is so heavy it's pushing into depression, which turns into "why did we think we needed another child?" And then it just sinks lo”

“I am one week postpartum after having my 3rd and last kid. I am really struggling with shutting the door on the pregnancy chapter of my life. I’m very confident that we are done, but to never relive how special it is to be filled with so much anticipation of a new baby and to know that I’m living this newborn chapter for the last time is absolutely gutting me. I’m trying so hard to live in the moment and soak up my new little addition because I know how incredibly special it is, but I’m such a n”

“Hi, I just needed a place to vent. I am living abroad and just had my first child which is the greatest thing that happened to me. But pregnancy, labor, and childcare already traumatized me that I can’t imagine going thru this again. I only have my husband as support person as I live abroad and both he and I have pretty intense, high paying jobs that we won’t wanna give up. There are friends who offered to help but they all live in different states now 8+ hours drive or expensive flights and ik”

“Im sooo tired of people telling you "you just had a baby" after I tell them how much I hate my body postpartum. Im 2 months postpartum and I absolutely hate and am disgusted in my body. I got so many stretch marks and they are soo dark. Ive always scar'd super easily and im super afraid my stretch marks will never go away and will just turn into a scar. Ive lost 20 lbs since I gave birth but I still cant wear most of my pants cuz my belly is still huge and my hips are so full of ex”

“I’m 5 days postpartum from a c-section and the hormone crash is starting to hit. I love my new little babe but I miss my toddler so much. It’s starting to hit me that I can’t pick my toddler up until the week of Halloween 😭 I can’t play with him how we normally do. I want to take him on a bike ride or run around the house and I can’t. I miss him so much. The hormones are telling me we’re going to lose our bond or that he’ll never want uppies from me again. I’m trying to remind myself this is te”

“Hi Everyone, I’ve been having a hard time with this pregnancy and all the feels. A little background, I’m STM, my son is almost 5. We’ve tried for a second kiddo for two years, and had two miscarriages. Now I’m pregnant but it’s been challenging. I have hypertension that has been monitored and well controlled with medication but that medication often leaves me dizzy. Marginal cord insertion and anemic. I’m also 37 “geriatric pregnancy”. I’m currently 29 weeks and the amount of appointments and g”

“My mom was asking about a baby shower, but I’m on the fence. My second baby is the opposite gender of my first and they will be just under 5.5 years apart. My thought is if she wants to have something, to host only close family and close friends and that it is more of a sprinkle rather than the whole big baby shower with games thing. Not sure what to do. What has everyone done for their second with a similar age gap? submitted by /u/Loud-Rise2233 [link] [comments]”

“Any other mamas so sad to see their baby grow up? Why does it have to go by so fast? I love all the new little versions of him as he grows, and I’m grateful he is healthy and happy. It’s just so tough knowing this season is so short 😢 submitted by /u/wwisdomseeker [link] [comments]”

“I named both my kids under the pressure of my mom. First kid was named after my sister and second was named as a similar name. I feel so so much regret. Nobody ever compliments my kids names. I feel so bad because I also hate the names and I feel so pathetic and detached. I can’t believe I did this. I regret it so much. submitted by /u/Top-Living3671 [link] [comments]”

“I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant and have a nearly three year old son. I know I have ways to go, but would it be tacky to have a baby sprinkle for baby #2? Our family didn’t throw us a baby shower for baby #1, even knowing this was our double rainbow baby. My husband even asked his mother if she’s going to throw a shower for us and she said yes but never did it. So we bought everything ourselves a month prior to his birth. It came with a lot of resentment and we didn’t feel supported, so we were d”

“I (33F) and just over 2 weeks postpartum with my second child. I feel like it’s just one thing after another and confirmed for me how much I struggle with the newborn phase. In the last 2 weeks, we have had: - Triple feeding (breastfeeding, pumping, giving breastmilk and formula top-ups) because baby lost too much weight - Severe nappy rash that is still recovering - Mastitis (didn’t have this with my first and I would not wish it upon anyone) - Haemorrhoids (also had with my first and far out i”

“I'm 5 days postpartum with baby #2. My oldest turns 5 next month. This was a very planned and wanted baby- we even went through fertility treatment. I am so scared though that I've completely fucked up our life and family in having #2. I have such an amazing relationship with my oldest child, and right now I miss that so much. I desperately want to spend time together, but then when I do I'm so irritable, anxious and sad that I can't stand it. My MIL is currently caring for her,”

“Feel so guilty.. i was able to breastfeed my first for a whole year.. i know i shouldnt feel like a failure but theres just that voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me that”

“i’m a ftm 6 days post partum so already going through the hormonal crashes and dealing with sundown scaries. i’m also sick with a cough, sinus stuff, and body aches. my husband has been amazing, basically doing everything else to care for our baby girl, while my job is to breastfeed. she’s been cluster feeding, and sometimes we’ll supplement with formula, but i feel so bad and guilty when husband tells me to go nap. i know i need rest, especially since im sick but i just have an intense feeling”

“Hello! I am 17 weeks postpartum and have been feeling lots of guilt. Backstory- I only breast fed for about a week. I gave birth at 37 weeks and quite the time getting my milk in, baby developed jaundice pretty bad and needed blood testing daily, hospital was over an hour away which made getting there, pumping, feeding all of that very overwhelming for me. It felt like all I did was try my whole day was consumed in it and I just could not… ( I know, everyone is in the same boat, that’s why I fee”

“I feel guilty even writing this, but I am trying so hard not to resent my newborn. Having two under two is overwhelming in a way I never expected. I never felt like this with my first. He was my rainbow baby, my first experience of motherhood, and everything felt magical. I had patience. I had excitement. I had energy. This time feels different. I find myself drawn to the toddler phase more than the newborn stage. This baby wasn’t planned, and the pregnancy was heavy on me. I know none of this i”

“Ok so I have two untouched baby books I recieved when my kids were born, but I just never found time to write in them. Now my kids are older and I guess I feel kind of guilty not filling them out. I love my own baby book even though it is a bit sparse. Personally I feel like I have photos of most of their milestones, so it felt pointless to go find the book and write it down. Anyone else? The only thing I did was a note on my phone where I recorded dates of things like first steps, first tooth,”

“Just took a test. Pregnant. I’m sobbing. My first is 8 months and I am obsessed with her. Thru and thru. She’s asleep right now, and i’m sobbing holding her stuffed animal because her smell comforts me. I want another baby, I just didn’t think so soon. I wanted more time to heal. I’m still working thru PPD and traumas that happened during my pregnancy and postpartum with my first. My biggest draw back is I’m horrified of not having good luck again. I barely tore with my first if you would even c”

“I know what everyone is going to say — “give yourself grace” but I need more than just a reminder that I am 3 months postpartum. Ever since I gave birth, I have felt like a shell of myself. I often feel empty and totally disconnected — like my personality has been sucked dry from me. I am significantly dumber. I used to be such an intellect and now some days I can barely form cohesive sentences. My memory is shot. My humour has dwindled. I have no hobbies or passions. I feel like a robot — hardw”

“I don't know what flair to even use, advice? Rant? My mental health? I have three kids, 6 and 3 and 3 weeks postpartum. I didn't think three kids would be so much harder. My kids are super bored at home since I can't go out yet, nor am I ready to with three kids. They're jumping off walls. Even when they occupy themselves they are constantly fighting, screaming, pulling and pushing and hitting and pinching, complaining, whining, crying, demanding! It's non- stop. I am oversti”

“I just gave birth a week ago to my 2nd after being a single mom for basically the last 9 years and 1 year being with my s/o. He’s the only child and only grandchild but has always begged for a sibling. Well….now he has one lol I just feel so guilty that it’s not just him and I or him and us anymore and it’s so hard to adjust. I love my boys so much and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world it just feels so strange and new and it seems impossible that I’m doing anything right bc I’m so s”

“My husband and I experienced a stillbirth in February and lost our beautiful healthy baby boy. We just got our NIPT test results and now we have a healthy baby girl. I feel so guilty. I immediately starting sobbing and even my husband cried which he never does. It has been so hard for me to distinguish this pregnancy from my last. Sometimes I found myself slipping into the thoughts that this baby was my lost baby, and that was really hard. We honestly should have had a larger gap between pregnan”

“I just had second baby of my 2 under 2 this May and now I’m starting to feel really down. No energy, feel like crying most of the time, no will or energy to get back to the gym or do something for myself. First month was great but then it slowly starts going downhill. I was also planning to stop breastfeeding around 4 months pp but my baby boy developed bottle aversion and only wants boob. I felt exactly the same with my first baby girl but didn’t really had time to start feeling better postpart”

“My little one is 4 months now, second child. I know each child is different but I feel like I’m struggling more now than I did with my first (who is nearly 3). That is all. I’m just exhausted and needed to voice that. Motherhood kind of sucks right now! submitted by /u/jinxix2395 [link] [comments]”

“I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just need to get it out. Ever since I became a mom of two, I feel like I'm carrying guilt around all day. My newborn needs me constantly, and my older daughter just wants her mom back. Every time I pick up the baby, I feel bad for my older one. Every time I spend time with my older one, I feel like I'm neglecting the baby. It feels like I'm always choosing one over the other, even though I know that's not really true. I miss”

“How do I get over the guilt of not being able to breastfeed my first child but doing so successfully with my second? My first came early due to emergency c section and he spent time in the nicu. I tried pumping and got some colostrum but he refused to eat and latch and I didn’t respond well to the pumps. I even got the right flanges and had help with a LC but my PCOS also played a role in how little milk I produced. Part of me still believes if I had better support it would have been different.”

“I am almost 7 months post partum and I have been doing a mix of pumping and breastfeeding. I never liked it which has always made me feel guilty. recently my baby has been annoyed at the breast so I’ve mostly pumped but it seems my pump is malfunctioning because the quantity has consistently decreased. A part of me is happy to finally end this but I also feel very guilty and I feel she will miss it which makes me feel sad. I have a ton of mixed feelings but I am also hopeful my mental health wil”

“Hi everyone. I’m not sure if I have the correct flair for this post or not, however, I’ve been really struggling with the guilt of feeling like I’m not doing enough for my 5 month old during postpartum. For reference, I am a 25F and this is my first pregnancy. My baby had a NICU stay for 2 weeks and I did not get to hold him until he was 5 days old. I feel that this could be all of the emotions starting to finally sink in (I’ve always had delayed reaction times during a traumatic period). My bab”

“I’m 4 months pp so my LO isn’t a tiny newborn anymore and I guess I’m not freshly pp. The headcount was needed around the time I gave birth. I was not doing well mentally at that time so I declined. I probably could have chosen to go last minute, but I opted not to because I’m still pumping around the clock and quite frankly don’t want to leave my LO for 4 straight days (out of state party). I’m feeling extremely guilty. My mom questioned me a million times as to why I didn’t go. I see other pos”

“Mostly just looking for solace or wondering if this is a normal feeling. I’m a week postpartum with our second baby. He’s perfect and I feel just as connected to him as a newborn as I did with my first. But I still can’t help but feel a grief over the time my husband and I had with just our first born and that the time is now over. It’ll never just be us 3 again. Did anybody else feel this way when they brought home a sibling? I am surprised by the sadness over this fact because we have always w”

“New mom here to a 7 month old, had such a hard time sending my baby to daycare and have finally adjusted. Everyone is happy and baby seems to be having better days. I am always extremely on top of babies hygiene, but recently, baby has begun biting during nursing sessions which is when I would have typically done a nail trim. Because of that, I’ve started trying to do it during calm times of the day as baby has also become a lighter sleeper. Long story short I got one hand cut over the weekend b”

“My first baby is now 5 months old. We did IVF, and have another embryo available. I’m feeling super conflicted about whether or not we should try for another one once the LO reaches 1 year. My pregnancy was hard at the end - I developed postpartum preeclampsia and had to be induced. I’m also an older mom at 41. I’m worried that when my husband and I die, she won’t have anyone to lean on. We are both very close to our siblings and I’m sad my LO won’t have that kind of bond. But I’m also worried a”

“I had my first baby 5 days ago and honestly it’s been rough, I had to have an emergency c section under anaesthetic so I already have guilt eating at me for essentially missing the birth of my own child. He did not latch very well at the hospital when I attempted to breastfeed and used my stash of colostrum to get us through his stay. When he got home I was and obviously still am in a lot of pain, dealing with bleeding, changes in my body and hormones all over the place. I’m crying every day bec”

“The last month has felt long for breastfeeding. I’ve realised that I’m balancing a feeling of guilt against being emotionally done with it. My LO is one week away from 12 months. I almost didn’t breastfeed her at midday today. She got up from her nap and I had to go downstairs right away and when I realised (I usually feed right away after the nap) I was kind of like, “ugh, do I have to?” I go down the resource reading rabbit hole but it doesn’t feel like it resonates. I realised I just need to”

“my kiddo is 16 months, i havent had a night out in...... jeez like 7 months? i should be excited, yeah? nope! im in tears trying to get ready because I feel so bad about not being with my daughter. just trying to find solace because i feel soooooo shitty. submitted by /u/deadbeatkitty [link] [comments]”

“Hi we need help with this - 1st post so apologies if this doesn’t read well or I’ve not posted to the correct channels. For context I am almost 35 weeks pregnant with our first child, my husband and I have tried to conceive for 5+ years, and we know the gender of our baby, but have not shared that we know the gender with anyone else. We found it difficult to find a name that we both loved and also felt had some cultural significance all while including tributes to loved ones passed through their”

“I know this isn't working mom related, but this is literally my favorite subreddit and I always appreciate the advice. If it's not allowed please just delete it, don't ban me lol Long story short I had my first baby during covid. I was also the first of my friends to have a kid. My husband and I were busy trying to get our place equipped for a kid and I didn't think about celebrations until later in the pregnancy. Due to travelling restrictions, my mom wasn't around during my”

“Back story - I suffered a full term still birth last year at 40 weeks. Today, I have a 4 week old who i adore dearly. However I'm finding myself very overwhelmed and quite frustrated lately. I have found myself needing to put baby down and leave the room to collect myself and my thoughts. I feel like shit for getting frustrated or annoyed when things aren't quite going well for example when he won't let me put him down, or when he fights his sleep. I should be so grateful that he&#39”

“I feel so guilty even writing this because I adore babies. I feel like I've spent the last four months constantly putting out fires instead of enjoying him more. It feels like every time one issue starts improving, another one pops up. We've dealt with feeding concerns, poor weight gain, trying to figure out whether he has a milk protein allergy or if something else is going on, switching formulas, fortifying bottles, eczema head to toe, cradle cap travelling from his head to face, curre”

“Hi all, I’m seven weeks postpartum and my husband and I have been disagreeing and spatting quite a bit. I know this is normal given sleep deprivation, new roles,etc, but it’s been hard for me as we really do get along very well and have always communicated easily. My postpartum journey hasn’t been easy and neither has our sons. I have a zero pain tolerance and came home with a second degree tear after 40 hours of labor with 3.5 hours of pushing. Alongside our baby’s heart rate dropping multiple”

“My daughter is now 4 months old. I’m an emotional wreck today. She was my third c-section baby, and my last child. She completed our family. I knew it would be hard, I would be sleep deprived. I was ready and didn’t care. I was looking through her photos from birth and time just.. sifts through our fingertips. I completed and ensured her birth certificate was accurate. She will probably have to read my death certificate. I held her hand in the hospital as she was on a feeding tube, and she will”

“I’m feeling so guilty. My son’s first birthday party is on Saturday and he won’t have a smash cake. Pretty much since 4 months old he’s had bad face eczema on his cheek that goes away for a week, comes back and has consistently stayed the same. He has a histamine intolerance to certain foods which also flares up his eczema. Up until a couple months ago I just introduced more solids. Chicken/turkey/rice (more solids) and dairy he has done fine with. Although certain dairy like cottage cheese flar”

“Hi everyone, I’m a FTM to my little daughter who is 8 weeks old today. I had a traumatic (physically) birth, and recently have been developing post partum anxiety. I feel as though I’m doing a rubbish job… my husband is back at work and I have no family or friends within 4 hours. So I’m home all day alone with baby (which I have no issue with), but the days go by so fast and all I’ve done is feed her, pump, change nappies, and find some time to try and eat or shower or brush my teeth etc. when s”

“My son is a week old & im a first time mom. I had to have an emergency c section & recovery has been rough. On top of that taking care of a newborn is so much harder than I anticipated. When my son cries, I feel full blown panic and feel like I can’t help him. I cry too. I feel horrible. My husband has to take over frequently and he’s just so quick and good with making our son calm and it makes me feel like the shittiest mom on the planet. Earlier he peed through his clothes and I was ch”

“Hi guys! I’m currently 8 months postpartum and after some heath issues in the thick of PPA. Most of it is health related and I’m so scare of being really sick or dying. Even though I’ve been thoroughly checked my mind is like: Well, didn’t have a brain scan. So that’s where the issue is. Lol. Ugh. I am already talking to my therapist again after thinking I could handle it alone but it’s been rough. I’m in the process of weaning too or at least cut down on feeding because he’s eating much more an”

“Hi everyone! FTM here. I am really struggling right now. I am 3 days postpartum with my beautiful baby girl and I am just so weepy. My heart can't seem to stand the thought of her getting any bigger! She's so perfect right now, and I can't deal with her changing. I feel like she has already changed a lot in just these three days and I'm trying not to dwell on the little things lost like feeling her little butt and foot in my belly or her little cone head, but it seems so hard. I”

“Hi guys! I’m currently 8 months postpartum and after some heath issues in the thick of PPA. Most of it is health related and I’m so scare of being really sick or dying. Even though I’ve been thoroughly checked my mind is like: Well, didn’t have a brain scan. So that’s where the issue is. Lol. Ugh. I am already talking to my therapist again after thinking I could handle it alone but it’s been rough. I’m in the process of weaning too or at least cut down on feeding because he’s eating much more an”

“I love my baby more than anything, but I sometimes just want 20 minutes to shower, eat while my food is still warm, or sit quietly. Then I feel guilty for even wanting that. I am trying to remind myself that needing rest does not mean I love my baby any less. But I would really like to know how other moms handle this feeling. submitted by /u/LightClear1021 [link] [comments]”

“Hi hi! 5 months PP with my first and it's been ROCKY for my husband and I. I took a lot out on him at the end of pregnancy and pp. We haven't been intimate in almost a year (que the pity party), due to his MDD plus pregnancy, then pp healing, and now just feeling more like roommates honestly. Any advice or camaraderie around this season and moving forward into our new roles? I feel at times like a married single parent, especially since he's gone back to work. I go back next week so”

“hello all. I think I’m probably just a bit down at the moment but I could really do with some perspective. My son was a unicorn baby. totally chill, everyone’s best friend etc. Then I got pregnant with my youngest - we saw a bit of an attitude shift but we’re really careful, we included him in conversations about what a great big brother he’d be, moved him into his new, special room over a month before she arrived so he didn’t feel evicted. When she was born I’d try to do the putting her aside a”

“Hey everyone, I was wondering how you as a family parent other kids & handle the home immediately postpartum? In the first 6 weeks, what do families generally expect from mom? In terms of doing ”easy” things immediately PP like watching the kids real quick, sitting with the kids on the floor and playing with them, maybe winding the vacuum up and running it downstairs after dad vacuumed the whole house, overnight shifts, etc.? mom’s: how much of the above type of things did u do PP? Ofc I’d l”

“I'm 4month PP at the moment. I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post. Maybe support. Maybe to know I'm not alone. Maybe just to get it off my chest. I gave birth and it was actually a successful vaginal birth. I had stitches and recovery wasn't easy, fainting and blood loss, but there were beautiful moments. The trauma came afterwards with howI was treated by some of the medical professionals, no support or pain relief. From the beginning, something didn't f”

“I know this is unique for everyone but I’m curious and looking for some solidarity amongst moms not feeling themselves 🫶🏻 submitted by /u/Significant_Mode_926 [link] [comments]”

“I expected my lowest point to be postpartum, but now after 4 months I’m feeling like I’m getting depressed. I noticed I tend to think negatively about the place I live, about people in general. My self-esteem is at the bottom. I am getting that special kind of tiredness that you get when depressed. Like… I am judging myself immensely for not taking things under control but also I just don‘t care anymore. What contributes to my depressive state is that I have very little time to do something for”

“My husband and i have argued for over a year after having our second baby about our “help” last time. We had an au pair who was wonderful, although she had imo high emotional needs. There was no room for me to be a postpartum hot mess and i had to provide meals for her and take care of her when she was sick. She was also not quick to change poopy diapers and wanted to talk about her dating life every day. Anyway, i voiced to my husband that this time around for baby #3 i want to “professional” h”

“I’m looking for perspective from other moms, especially those who have been here before. This is my third baby , so I know the benefits of breastfeeding and I’m not looking for encouragement to “just switch to formula” or reassurance that formula is okay, I already believe that. What I’m struggling with is acceptance . I’ve been combination feeding since birth because of low milk transfer, and over the past few weeks (after mastitis and other feeding challenges), I think I’ve become an undersupp”

“I just want to say that I’m so proud of the new generation of mothers. I know so many women out there who are doing attachment style parenting, trying breastfeeding (when others before them didn’t) and finding ways to break generational curses. I had a discussion about this with my Mother (boomer) about this the other day. She wishes there was more information and resources out there, like we have now, when she had me. She explained for decades there was so much pressure put on new moms to not s”

“Big hormone day over here full disclosure lol I just got confirmation that 40 people are attending my baby shower - most of which are extended family or people I barely speak to in a year but we don’t want to “hurt their feelings” by not inviting them. They are all extremely cheap (not financially challenged, just cheap) and we will be lucky to break even. On top of it WE ARE HOSTING and planning because nobody offered to do it, so I swore up and down I don’t want or need one, but the old ladies”