New parents struggle with baby’s constant need to be held
Parents are frustrated by their babies' persistent demand for physical closeness, specifically needing to be held against the chest to fall asleep. This indicates a challenge in establishing independent sleep habits and potential parental exhaustion.
SOURCES (60)
“I cannot entertain my baby! He’s 4.5 months and I have no idea what to do. He is just lightly fussing all day like “eh eh eh”. I put him on his play mat either on his back or tummy time with toys, read to…”
“My 11 week old has always been a crap napper, but it’s getting worse. He starts daycare soon, so we’ve been practicing no contact napping. He sleeps max 40 min. Ik this is developmentally normal and I can rescue the nap, but I’m so over it! He used to sleep up to 3 hrs contact napping but has since stopped that too. I’m lucky if I get over an hour from contact. Rescuing naps either fail or takes so long to resettle it’s not worth MAYBE extra 30 min. He’s overall a happy baby and doesn’t seem too”
“Please tell me I’m not alone because it’s driving me crazy and I just feel so angry about this. We were past it, and then she suddenly went back to meltdowns with me unless I nurse her. It doesn’t make me feel closer to her, it makes me feel useless and hopeless somehow. Like she doesn’t actually want ME. She‘s not hungry, I’ve been trying to nurse her first and then she still has a meltdown unless I nurse her again and it takes a lot longer than she used to because she’s just comfort suckling.”
“Looking for some other parent experience/advice I have an almost 2 month old and two 1.5 year olds So parents with a toddler(s) are we laying our newborn down for naps or holding them? I’m trying to avoid her getting a flat head from laying down too much since i am strict about sleeping on her back to sleep at night, so hold her almost constantly unless i need to put her down to tend to my toddlers or household tasks, but i’m worried i hold her too much and could use that time to spend with my t”
“Basically the title. I waited almost two whole weeks. Tried going in to hold her last night and it made it wayyyy worse. She was hysterical for an hour after I wouldn’t let her nurse and had my husband come in. She was previously going back to sleep super quickly when he would come in and offer water. She’s almost 13 months old. submitted by /u/Apprehensive_Pie1225 [link] [comments]”
“Since my baby turned 7/8 months she’s had separation anxiety and has been glued to me. I love her to death but my god I can never catch a break. I’m convinced it’s because I go to work and she’s scared I’m going to leave. If I finally have a day off after working several days, it’s especially bad. Like today for example, she would not play independently at all and either wanted me holding her or playing with her. Every time my husband tried to take her from me to give me a break, she’d have a me”
“Me and LO have been co-sleeping since he was 4 months old, and it has worked really well for us and helped everyone get some sleep! Recently, though, he has suddenly started crying inconsolably after being fed to sleep. The crying is super loud and can take 15–20 minutes to calm him down, followed by another ~15 minutes of rocking before he finally falls asleep. Previously, our nights were pretty predictable: Bedtime routine starts around 7:15–7:30 pm LO would be asleep by around 8 pm on a good”
“My 6 week old baby's got some tension and so we've been doing tummy time more often to help. But omg she hates it. My husband does it with her because I can't stand to see her crying and just looking so unhappy. I just had to turn off the baby monitor as it's so hard to watch. Anyone else baby hates it, I know it gets better but I'm literally struggling listening to it. (It was recommended that we do it after each diaper change for a minute, by the nurse who is following us)”
“My baby is 4 months. She hasn't fully rolled yet, but is showing signs already (scrunching feet up when laying in her back, rolled to side, rolling from belly to back) and so we have stopped swaddling her. However, it is hard to keep her asleep all night because if she can reach her face, she will scratch and scratch and then wake herself up, and keep scratching and not soothe herself. When she isn't able to touch her face, she is able to soothe herself to sleep, e.g. when swaddled or in”
“Hi! LO is 5 months old and we spent the last 2 months on the east coast of North America where my family lives. Now we’re back in continental Europe and LO cannot sleep anywhere that isn’t on me. We’ve been back 5 days. I’m absolutely exhausted. He wasn’t the best sleeper at night but it was completely manageable and we had a good routine. Now it’s all out the window and he can’t connect a sleep cycle and can’t sleep in his bed. I know jet lag may be the culprit but he sleeps at normal times and”
“I feel like a failure. My baby is almost 2 months old and he's really chill most of the time. I don't mind constant feeding every hour during the day and every 1,5-2 hours at night (I guess he's going through one of his leaps?). I don't mind endless see of changing nappies or always having to clean up his spit. I don't really mind that during the day the only way he sleeps is contact naps. I do feel bad though that he can't sleep as much as he needs (he will wake up withi”
“How do you guys put your babies down to sleep? For 4 months the only way we’ve been able to get our baby boy down has been laying on our chest (4MO). I’ve been with him days and nights and will continue to do so for another month and a half ish. It’s getting to me man, I have trouble sleeping since before the baby, and with him laying on me I’m getting barely anything out here man. It’s so frustrating I’m finding very little joy in being a parent right now. submitted by /u/Character-”
“FTM here with a 10 week old. Asking for surefire ways to get your upset baby back from someone who refuses to hand them over and insists on trying to soothe them themselves. I’ve started noticing that my SIL will want to keep holding my baby even after my (less direct) attempts to get her back from her. For example, the other day we were having dinner with my husband’s family and before dinner LO was needing a nap. My SIL was already holding her and I let her know that she’d need to nap soon. I’”
“We used the Snoo for the first 4 months of my daughter's life, and clipping the baby in so she wouldn't roll over helped so much with my anxiety thank God. That and the eufy sock helped me sleep at night. My husband's company gives us the first 4 months of the Snoo free, but we still have to pay taxes on the benefit so it's still like $150 to rent for 4 months bc of taxes, then we had to send it back and I wish we could have used a bassinet for 6m, so was hoping to find a cheaper”
“Edit: Ugh yall are more than correct on the fact that it’s literally been 2 days 🤣🤣🤣 I definitely needed that reality check 🫶 Hi, our son is 11 months old and have spent 2 full days in day care. He has not napped a singular minute! He typically naps 3+ hours at home. He is so well tempered so they said he was happy all day but he has came home to exhausted and over tired. Has anyone had a baby start later and had success with naps? I feel bad for him. He sleeps in his crib at home and his ro”
“Hello everyone. I read everywhere about how to wean a baby off nursing to sleep, but in my case, it's the exact opposite? There's nothing I want more than for nursing to sleep to work. She is 9 weeks old now, and for the first 2–3 weeks it worked wonderfully, but since then, she can't really be calmed at the breast anymore. I think I have a strong let-down reflex, and she is gaining weight above average. As soon as she's full, she gets super restless and cries at the breast, unla”
“We cut our 3 month old's day naps off once he goes over 2 hours. Every time we wake him, he screams bloody murder hysterically. We've tried gently waking him by unwrapping him if he's wrapped, turning off the white noise machine, making it as bright as possibly, gently calling his name, rubbing his hands and feet, and dude just wants to stay in that deep sleep. I get it, but especially now - last night he was up every hour but is trying to sleep longer during his naps today than his”
“Today I didn’t do anything but shower for 10 min because my son didn’t sleep and had difficulty eating from being so inconsolable. He sleeps poorly during the day. At night it’s all good, but the whole day, especially the evening, is terrible. He doesn’t sleep, gets too tired, gets hungry, doesn’t understand that, won’t accept the breast… it’s all terrible. All I do is try to console him so he can eat at least a bit and relax enough to go back to sleep. If he doesn’t accept the breast I don’t fo”
“Just had our second child 4 weeks ago and I'm getting so frustrated trying to soothe/put my baby to sleep. Baby will be super upset and nothing I try besides nursing him seems to work. But my husband will take baby and start rocking them and immediately they calm down. I'm talking seconds. I'll have tried the exact same thing just a minute earlier (same hold, same rocking, same everything) and they're wailing like a banshee. I feel like I wouldn't be able to soothe my baby at”
“This has happened ever since 3 months old, she's 10 months old now. Sometimes my baby gets into big fits of anger that make her completely zone the world out and she's just screaming and thrashing in anger. The best way I can describe it is similar to the disengagement of a panic attack, where nothing can comfort her or bring her out of her screaming fit. This mainly occurs when she's being put to bed or if she wakes up and is inconsolable in the middle of the night. This does not se”
“Hey, dads, I’m writing this mostly to my past self, but if it serves you, so be it. The first three/four months of rocking my son to sleep were agonizing and tough. I was so tired and afraid something was wrong. I wasn’t in a position to hold a baby all night and work the next day for 12 hours. Then, at four months we “sleep trained” our son, meaning we let him fuss for exactly 18 minutes. He’s started sleeping 7-7 almost immediately. He’s 10 months old now. Every night I see him on the monitor”
“My baby is 4 weeks old and I’m curious if you think this is normal baby stuff or if it’s a concern (I will be messaging her pediatrician about this all on Monday!) So she cries a lot. If she’s not sleeping, being fed, being held and walked around while doing stuff (specifically has to be doing things like she can tell when we’re just holding her and walking around to console her, it’s the weirdest thing) or if I’m holding her up and bouncing her legs on my stomach (she cries in between each boun”
“How did yall get your baby used to the bassinet? We are putting her in there as much as possible in all states, sleepy wrapped in a swaddle with white noise, etc, awake while comforting her, awake while stepping away to do some chores. She is 5 weeks 5 days. When did this work for you? How did you get your babies used to it? When did they? I imagine they don’t magically wake up at 8 weeks and love it? submitted by /u/NotAMazda [link] [comments]”
“Have left it too long, being beside her until she falls asleep since she was a baby. I have been trying to leave her to sleep herself after we read a story but she gets very upset and it's very hard to talk any kind of reassurance or sense into her. submitted by /u/omnipresentatio [link] [comments]”
“My fiance’s mom has offered to take care of her for a night so I could get some sleep but I just can’t accept it. It has nothing to do with her specifically but more of it having to do with my baby being “away” (she would literally just be a room away from me so it’s not like she’d be actually away) from me. Once night hits I don’t like anyone to bring her into a different room than me or just being where I can’t see her (this doesn’t apply to my fiancé, I’m completely fine with him doing all th”
“HELP! I am desperate to go back to work and my baby is EBF on demand. I need a break, I need my independence back, my back can’t handle another contact nap. Okay that was dramatic but seriously how can I wean my 5 month old who cosleeps off the boob. He REFUSES a bottle and pacifier, literally looks at me like are you out of your goddamn mind woman?? My partner is no help and lacks patience to instill bottles and family just says “he wants you” when they are through. I feel like no one is lettin”
“My 10 month old daughter used to happily play/sit on the floor but recently when I try to sit her down or change her diaper she will immediately cry, arch her back and protest it. Sometimes she tolerates it but other times I just have to hold her constantly. Can anyone relate?! submitted by /u/Certain_Bass_5583 [link] [comments]”
“i feel horrible about it because most of the time i really do love that i can provide her comfort and soothe her with breastfeeding. but there’s some nights (like tonight) where i am just exhausted and don’t want to be suckled at. it makes me feel terrible. i was gifted a set of the philips avent soothies pacifiers and a set of nuk first choice. she always hated the nuk ones, took the soothies for about a month then started spitting and chewing on them. sometimes i find myself rocking her while”
“Hello. We have a 6m old boy who's quite crazy and user-unfriendly during the day but the nights have always been miraculously easy. We just got used to surviving the day to get at least some rest during the night. He has difficulties falling asleep but once sleeping, he did not wake up until 8am. It has been like this since approx 2,5m old. Recently, his sleeping routine has changed and he started waking up every hour or so. He starts crying and is unable to fall asleep again without out hel”
“I'm realizing nobody warned me how many hours of early parenthood involve being folded over something 😂 Feeding, changing, picking the baby up, putting them down, sitting through contact naps... then I catch myself standing the same way even when I'm not holding them. I'm trying to get better about bringing the baby toward me instead of always bringing myself down to them, plus rebuilding some strength gradually. But remembering what my body is doing when I'm exhausted is anothe”
“I hear and see a lot of posts about babies who only contact nap during the day, but ours will also only sleep on us or in our arms at night too. We will try putting down in crib or bassinet and survive the transfer, but she’s always awake again like 20-30 mins later. We have had a VERY few and rare stretches of 1-3 hours. My husband and I are taking shifts of half the night each to essentially try crib transfers until we give up and hold her for the remainder of our shift. We are getting stresse”
“My 4 month old has already gone through so many different ways of falling asleep, and I have never really changed his routine for my own convenience. I have always just followed what seemed to work for him. The first month was awful. At one point, we were taking shifts sleeping while holding him because that was the only way he would sleep. During the second month, it could take over an hour to get him to sleep. We would hold him, rock him, try everything we could think of, including a yoga ball”
“My almost five month old will NOT NAP. He takes 20 minute cap naps all day but will not nap longer than that. And when he’s not cat napping he just wants to be held 24/7. I love him but I am so frustrated. I’m basically a single mom who’s married. My husband does not help as much as he should. He works the weekdays and I work the weekends. So I have them by myself for five days straight and when he comes home from work, he likes to lay on the couch because “he’s had a long day”.I have a toddler”
“My son is three months, about to be four months old. He has never napped well. He pretty much only contact naps but I cannot take it anymore because I have no time to myself. During his awake windows he just screams and needs constant attention. I've been trying for a month straight to get him to nap but nothing seems to be working. I hold him for at least 15 minutes before transferring to make sure he is in a deep sleep. And he will stay asleep from anywhere from 10-20 minutes but will star”
“I have a 5 month old who only wants to be held....or so I thought. Lately he's been really fussy even when held and one day I laid him down on the couch next to me bc I was suuuuuper touched out and just needed a minute and miraculously he stopped crying. I've started doing this more and more and he's pretty consistently happy. He doesn't want to go in his cradle or on his play mat, but will lay next to me contentedly. Its not exactly freedom (I'm still stuck sitting on the c”
“It’s past midnight here and my poor baby just can’t stay asleep longer than an hour then wakes up crying. She’s had a runny nose and slight cough the last few days, no fever thankfully, and I’m pretty sure she’s uncomfortable lying flat. There’s no safe sleep recommendation I’ve seen for propping her up a little while she sleeps so here I am in my nursing chair I haven’t really used in months with her sleeping in my arms… Her breathing is fine. Skin color normal. Her gums don’t seem red or infla”
“Ugh. The sleep training culture is sooooo present, and this is a product of that. Everything has to be "just so" for sleep. With that being said, times are hard economically for families to be traveling, so that can explain part of why they haven't slept away from home. Sleepovers don't happen either anymore because people are afraid of bad things happening to their kids while they are in homes of other adults.”
“my 7mo isn’t sleeping without being snuggled into something. he sleeps with us in the bed right now and loves to be cuddled up with his face burrowed in my armpit or a pillow. I think adding something he can burrow into to his crib will hopefully help comfort him in this transfer. I know it’s HIGHLY recommended not to buy crib bumpers (mesh or padded) but I also don’t want to add a pillow (which is the only way he’ll go down for a nap) we’ve let him cry it out but he just cries for hours. has an”
“I know this phase doesn’t last and this same phase is giving me flashbacks with my first but I can’t remember when it ends. My 5 month old just always seems angry unless he’s being held, doesn’t care for a carrier, when I set him down he just cries immediately and I can’t hold him all day (especially not with another 2 year old in the house). It’s exhausting and super frustrating. He’s trying to crawl which makes him more frustrated, gets angry when things fall out of his hand and I just cannot”
“My 6 week old son always calms down and able to fall asleep when my partner holds him. But goes wild and cries face red when I’m trying to console him :( The reason why I emphasize “son” because boys tends to be mommy’s boy 🥺 My feelings a bit hurt… lol submitted by /u/SadButterscotch5530 [link] [comments]”
“My baby absolutely loses his mind when he’s overtired. Yes I watch cues but life is life sometimes and I can’t put him down for a nap exactly the minute he yawns. He’s 3 months old. Will this ever get better? He cries so much when he’s tired and nothing seems to help sometimes besides time & him crying. I try to help him so he doesn’t cry, but he gets very like pissed off when he’s tired and wants me to leave him alone. submitted by /u/SandwichDependent199 [link] [comments]”
“I keep seeing this anecdotally on Reddit that babies will be fussier with their parents because they feel safe enough to let their guard down and experience emotions. I was having a hard time phrasing this in a way I could look it up. submitted by /u/Miss_Ginger [link] [comments]”
“I’m a FTM to a 6 month old. I like to protect his sleep because I don’t like dealing with a fussy, screaming, tired baby. + have his night be a nightmare. My close friends don’t have kids and I feel like they don’t understand. As such I don’t hang out with them much anymore because 1. I live far-ish from all of them and it takes me at least 40-50 minutes to go into our city. If I invite them they’re willing to come up. 2. My baby doesn’t nap well out and about and I can’t leave him at home becau”
“I know I’m not pregnant anymore, but I find this very cool. Yk what’s cool. My baby was having a hard time. My husband had her on his shoulder patting and rubbing her back and she kept grunting and whining and crying really hard.. like her face was beat red and she would just cry and cry and groan like she was tryna get trapped gas out. Not to mention she had a BAD case of the hiccups.. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and I patted his hands and took her from him and held her to my chest and h”
“I’m currently 5 weeks postpartum, and my baby needs 24-hour contact. she’s literally on me and my husband’s chests the entire day. Whenever we put her down for sleep, tummy time, or playtime, Within 30 seconds of starting to play with her, she just starts crying. I’ve tried various solutions, including walking with her and then putting her bottom first, the Japanese method of 8 minutes of walking followed by 5 minutes of rocking, and using an inclined reflux pillow because the doctor suggested s”
“My daughter is 10 months old and has been a complete Velcro baby since she was born. I can’t get a single chore done while she’s awake without her crying the whole time, I’m folding laundry right next to her and she’s crying at my feet. Cry’s in the car seat, cry’s in the high chair, crys in the bath, cry’s if my husband is with her and I walk 5 feet away. I don’t have a village near me and my husband works away half the month so I don’t get a break and it just really gets overwhelming with the”
“Why will this kid not nap independently????? He is 2. I just want to sit and doodle or eat something by myself, but instead I have to lay in a dark room on a bed, doom scrolling because wtf else can I do one handed while my toddler nurses back to sleep??? Im ready to pull my hair out. He nurses to sleep, I roll away, no sooner do I get my fucking pants down to shit is he up and needing re-settled. It is making me so fucking grumpy, and im so tired after laying in a dark room for 1hr + because th”
“My baby is 10 weeks old and she’s the best! However 😅 it seems like she wants to comfort nurse for hours on end and just never sleep. For the final feed before her first stretch of the night she will comfort nurse for 1-1.5 hours. I’m fine with this! But she also wants to do so for like every nap during the day. She’ll wake up, change diaper, feed, some awake time, then when she starts yawning we try to get her down but this can take 2 hours so her wake windows are like 3-4 hours and sometimes”
“My baby loves to look around. However if she’s due for a nap and we’re in public or a restaurant I will put a blanket over my shoulder while she contact naps to help her closer her eyes. Of course I monitor her breathing and make sure she isn’t too hot. But I just realized, is this a bad thing to do? Would other parents judge me that I have a blanket over her head? Just adding more info. It is a light muslin swaddle blanket. submitted by /u/Salt-Jello-4165 [link] [comments]”
“I feel like I’ve done something wrong. My 10 month old absolutely refuses to be held by other people besides me, her dad, and her grandma (who watches her full time while we work). The last time I remember her being willing to be held by someone else was when she was a newborn, when she was barely aware of her own existence. Things definitely got worse when she hit 7 months - she used to get fussy if I passed her off to someone but that turned to full blown screaming that just gets worse the lon”
“Can you guys please recommend pacifiers for my breastfed baby? He won't take any but my breast and on top of that my baby is going thru the 4 month regression basically waking up every 2 hours🫠🥹🙏 please help. submitted by /u/J12Significant [link] [comments]”
“My baby boy is newly five months old (yay!) and he's doing so well developmentally, but absolutely cannot stay awake for longer than an hour and a half. I know his wake windows should've been around 2 hours when he was four months old and I really tried to stretch them, but once he's been awake for an hour he screams and cries until he falls asleep 30 minutes later. His typical day is: wakes up between 8-9am, naps for 30 minutes every hour and a half until around 2pm, takes a 2-3 hou”
“My baby boy is newly five months old (yay!) and he's doing so well developmentally, but absolutely cannot stay awake for longer than an hour and a half. I know his wake windows should've been around 2 hours when he was four months old and I really tried to stretch them, but once he's been awake for an hour he screams and cries until he falls asleep 30 minutes later. His typical day is: wakes up between 8-9am, naps for 30 minutes every hour and a half until around 2pm, takes a 2-3 hou”
“OMG I'M BURSTING, but I can never successfully transfer her when she's contact napping, how do you guys handle this?? submitted by /u/moonxdaughter [link] [comments]”
“My baby girl just turned 10 months! & with that she has become extremely clingy-like can’t even go into another room without her bursting into tears clingy, often times she even does this with my husband. This has been going on for about two weeks and my mental health is suffering. She’s my everything don’t get me wrong but I’m just hoping this stage passes soon. Anyone else deal with this around this age? I’m sure teething doesn’t help. submitted by /u/Pharoahcatmom99 [link] ”
“So my first child was born last week and while its been a magical experience but the adjustment to the lack of sleep has been ROUGH. My daughter has refused to sleep outside of our arms for more than 90 seconds. I haven't slept in the same bed as my wife since she was born because we've had to tale shifts staying up holding her. That changed today though. I was able to find someone renting their snoo on marketplace for cheap. This thing is amazing. For the first time in a week she has sl”
“My husband and I had our son 8 weeks ago now, we love him dearly, he's growing well, eating like there's no tomorrow, started smiling.. but ohh my god he hates sleeping😭 He usually naps for about 4 - 6 hours throughout the day. Longest nap is usually 3 hours He wakes up at 5am or 6am most mornings, and falls asleep from 8pm until midnight in the bassinet ..after that all bets are off. He'll wake up, eat go back to sleep but refuses to sleep in the bassinet and if he does we're l”
“My LO (10 weeks) had a doctors appointment yesterday, his doctor asked about sleep and I said he sleeps great in his bassinet at night but prefers to be held for naps during the day. Ive tried putting him down before but the naps are so short and we sleep good at night so I feel well rested during the day and would absolutely not fall asleep holding him. His doctor shamed me and said he needs to learn to fall asleep on his own if I ever want a life. I feel like we have a good routine of hour and”