Dads Feeling the Parenting Load

“One of my hobbies is electronics and 3d printing. I've read a lot on here how it's hard to find time after kids to work on your hobbies. That's extremely true. But My kids are 7 and 3 now, and I have come up with a formula that is kind of working for me. I include the kids in the planning. We sketch stuff out, we write down ideas. All the ideas. Even though I kind of already know what I'm going to do. I try to include them here because this sets the stage for later. Do all the le”

“Kinda vent post/something I noticed. My wife (28f) and I (32m) have a 10 month Old (f) with another girl due christmas/on the way. Obviously I love being a father. It always meant the world to me and I knew I wanted to be a great and present father oneday ever since I was in school. My girls mean the world to me but there's something I have been noticing alot ever since I became a dad. When I go to Walmart or out around town with my daughter by myself/without the wife, people always seem to”

“Hey folks, we are 4.5 months into being parents to our amazing baby girl. My wife is staying home with her while I head back to work. I was lucky enough to get 10 weeks partial paid leave and have loved that I was able to be home. I also got to work from home for a bit too. Well, now I am 3 weeks into being in the office full time and I can't help but miss my family. I feel like I can't be a good father AND a full time employee. They won't let me work from home, and my commute hurts”

“I’m 38 and a first-time dad to an amazing 15-month-old boy. My wife and I both work from home, so thankfully we’re able to be around our son a lot more than many working parents get to be. Lately, though, my wife has mentioned pretty regularly that she wishes she could quit working entirely and be a stay-at-home mom. She wants to be able to focus completely on raising our son and spend as much time with him as possible while he’s little. I completely understand why she wants that. Honestly, I wi”

“Lets be honest. Did having a third child affected your relationship with your wife? 3 kids under 4? Im having a hard time submitted by /u/Smart-Worldliness384 [link] [comments]”

“It's been a hard week. Between work and two kids, the younger only 4 months old so still in the potato phase, there isn't much time to get extra things done. But we decided we'd get the garden done this week. Digging out the whole garden that our neighbour downstairs can no longer take care of, so now he's given it to us. So, last week we had 3 appointments with gardeners set up to give us some prices, and give us some extra ideas. Not too much, should be doable. Then, on the fir”

“Happening as we speak. My wife is out of town going to a wedding and living her best life. 3 year old is pooped from a day walking around our local arts fest. Everyone had a great day and no one melted down. I’m now sitting next to my 6 year old while she colors and I read the first in The Dark Tower comic with my cat in my lap and a gummy on board. My CPU is running in the background behind her showing off a nice RGB pattern. I feel like this is a nice little memory for both of us, and I’m curi”

“So I have soon to be 3 year old and a 1 month old. I have always heard the "you'll never get a good session in again" from many. Especially on this platform. I'm coming to believe that either.. A- Some people do not have supportive partners that help out with the day to day involving children. Or B- some people give up on hobbies due to extreme exhaustion. Are there other options I am not seeing? I genuinely see myself as very involved in my kids lives and helping out around th”

“So I'm an old dad. While I wasn't sure kids would be in the cards for me, ended up having 2 boys much later than expected. Also something I didnt really expect would happen is Im the parent that has to shoulder a LOT of the social stuff for my kids and being an introvert w/ 2 highly extrovert kids is ...exhausting. So I end up coordinating play dates, school communications, birthday RSVPs, sports activities...etc. Due to this I personally end up engaging in a lot of communication w/ othe”

“Hello dads, I have two sons (4yo and 2yo) and I want to say that I observe I have lost my focus. Like totally. I remember when I was a teenager I could read whole chapter in the school book. I was able to remember what I have learnt like many months and today everything is lost after 1h. Learning anything new is a big challenge. Firstly I cannot find the time. Secondly when I finally learn anything, as I said it is lost after 1h. I have no structure in my head. What I am focused whole day it is”

“I 31F have two sons 3&6 with my ex 35M. We are in the process of creating a court ordered agreement. Even though we've been separated for months. He just moved into a place that can accommodate the kids. Before that he only visited them. Which caused chaos every time he left. I feel like I've been at my wits end with the behaviour from my 6yo. He calls me names (he's heard his dad do this), hits, kicks, screams etc. Transitions have historically been tough for him. So this has be”

“Background: So my wife and I have, as I’m sure many of us do, a strong division of labor. Essentially, everything outside of the house is my job. I do dishes and laundry and take care of the animals too, but the kids getting to/from school and extracurriculars, or going out for fun, or whatever, I’m the one who drives. The kids don’t go out with their mom; she’s from the UK (we’re in US) and she hates driving. Tonight, tucking my 9 y/o daughter in: “Dad, at school when everyone else talks about”

“Those who did couples therapy and have kids, did it actually improve your relationship? I'm a dad of 2. I'm no longer happy.... Or maybe my expectations of what a marriage is and what having a family is needs to change. I'm trying to do anything to keep us together, I thought maybe an unbiased 3rd party could help us sort things out. This isn't really meant to be a thread where I comment below what's going on etc. I just want to hear your experiences on going to therapy as a”

“My ex and I split two years ago. Two kids, 50/50, we're civil. The problem is the information gap, I find out about things late. Birthday parties, conference sign ups, schedule changes, all go to my ex and I'm always a step behind. Tried shared google calendar, neither of us kept it up. Looked at ourfamilywizard and talkingparents but they felt too legal. I just want to know when my kids have things happening. The hardest part is feeling outside your own kids' lives. My daughter said”

“Longer than normal Read, TLDR at bottom: So for reference, my wife (36) and I (40) have two children: a 16 year old boy, (my wife’s first) and we also have a 1 year old boy together. Last night my wife and I had some free time while our older son was playing at his high school soccer game and our youngest son had just gone down for the night. Wanting to take advantage of the rare opportunity with time to ourselves, we got down to business. Our garage door is linked to an app on our phones, so if”

“My wife and I have been married almost 8 years. We have 2 yo and 6 yo boys and one on the way. Our oldest has some behavioral difficulties, which has caused strain on us and questions regarding our parenting. They are amazing, sweet kids but if I’m being honest, I feel defeated the majority of the time. Between raising kids and both of us working (my wife owns her business and I’m a firefighter) so we can feel like 2 ships in the night. I don’t know if I just need to vent or if I need some advic”

“Seriously. I am out of ideas. My son asks what are we doing today basically every day and lately my brain just shuts off. We've done the park. We've done Lego. We've ridden bikes. We've played every version of hide and seek this house can physically support. Yesterday I had 45 minutes before dinner and he wanted to do something together and I just stood there staring around the house like I'd never seen a child before. Eventually we got paper and drew stupid animals for each”

“I’m a new dad to a 5 month old son, and I’ve been fortunate enough to be on parental leave for the past three months. I’ve really enjoyed having this time with my son and my wife, and I’ve come to appreciate how special it is to be so present in his everyday life. My in-laws live about a five-minute drive away, so they’re very involved in our lives. They frequently come over or join us when we go out, whether it’s running errands, going for walks in the park, or just spending time together. My w”

“Hi fellow dads Unfortunately there is a good chance I might end up getting divorced, it feels unreal to even type this sentence. I’m most worried not about myself but mostly about how it will affect my relationship with my 3 year old son. Those who’ve been in this situation, can you share how did a divorce/separation affected your relationship with your kids ? I’d greatly appreciate that. submitted by /u/SABR055 [link] [comments]”

“Everyone mentioned sleep deprivation so was mentally prepared for it, what's really taking a toll is that for 6 weeks straight every minute of my life is claimed. Feed, settle, sterilize, cook, eat, clean, repeat. Baby is chill I think, she's only fussy during witching hour so from 18h to 22h or so I'm troubleshooting endlessly until she settles. Does it get better soon? In which way? Today we were told we don't need to wake her for feeds so I guess it'll give us longer stret”

“Gentlemen I am curious if my experience here is the norm or not. My wife and I have two toddlers. My individual circumstance is hard to describe neatly but it's smeared between WFH and SAHD. My wife is a teacher. She also has frequent after school responsibilities. The result is that I am home with the children all day during the week. It's great. The children and I have a blast. Parenting is always a challenge but I'm not stressed out by it. That is until my wife comes home. I hate”

“Regular Monday/Tuesday night, say, what do they get up to? Mine watch TV and play games, and I find it difficult to do anything as I'm a single Dad half the time and finishing work and getting dinner ready after makes it difficult to do anything meaningful. submitted by /u/alexthecheese [link] [comments]”

“Is it just me or is this the hardest shit ever? We’ve got 4 kids all under the age of 8 and we are getting our asses kicked. My wife and I really wanted a family and we planned for it. We took parenting classes together, we read all the books in preparation before starting our family…still, nothing could have prepared us for how mentally and emotionally exhausting it is to keep up with our boys. How are you all surviving? submitted by /u/money4nothing_8816 [link] [comments]”

“First time dad (40) with a 9 mo girl who i love very much. She is easily the highlight of my days. My wife (39) and i live in a studio with a segregated sleep nook. Our daughter is very sound sensitive and struggles to sleep alone (we sleep safe, don’t worry). I’m a very social person but lost most of my social circle during covid when everyone shut themselves in and started families. So even before having my daughter i lost most of my connections. Now with my daughter, I don’t even get time wit”

“Evening! I hope you’re all well. I just wanted to reach out and see if any others fathers feel the same way I do. I have a 4 y/o, and an amazing wife and brilliant family network. But I still feel lonely at times, I have no friends, haven’t really had real friends connections since high school. I hung around with people in high school and college and was far from a loner, but never anyone I actually stuck with. It’s brought it up again the past week as my son started reception. He’s been in nurs”

“Hey dads, Its just coming to the end of my paternity tomorrow, after having 6 weeks with my wife and our little girl. Its been an amazing time. This afternoon, I was sat in the rocking chair, with my daughter in my lap, fast asleep and content. The sun was coming through the window and I had my favourite song on the TV (It's the Spingsteen version of "The River" with "The Story") I was so happy, and calm and content that I just burst into tears I was so happy. Enjoy your”

“Hello my daughter is 26 months and I feel like I missed out on a lot of time. Wife is stah and work full time. I doa side business that’s also my hobby plus my main job that’s 40 hours a week or more. I never pushed myself out of my comfort zone with my child and I’m regretting it heavily. I rarely wake up with her in the mornings but this morning I did and I didn’t realize how cuddly and fun they are in the mornings. I would of course get when she got up but would do my morning routine rarely w”

“I need a sanity check. I don't think I'm being unreasonable, but if I am, I'm all ears. Currently, my wife works weekends 7AM to 7PM (Fri/Sat/Sun). I work during the week, M-F, regular old desk job 8-5. This leaves us in a situation where my son needs childcare one day a week, on Fridays. I watch him all weekend, every weekend while my wife is at work. He goes to bed shortly after she gets home but she gets time with him during the week. Since my wife is pretty tired after a 12 hour”

“For me, I’m so tired of always being the one who checks up on family and friends while no one checks up on me. submitted by /u/niavek [link] [comments]”

“Dad of two under 4 here. Looking for a small input from ~5 other busy dads (around the same age-ish) I've been struggling for a while to make the most of the little time I get with the kiddos after a long day at work. Frustrating not being fully there for them - and then the days stack up and I've got few memories to show for it. To fight that, I'm building something that's been working for me, but I want to see if it holds up for other dads too before I go further. If that exhau”

“Hello, daddit. Let me just preface this by saying that I love my two children so, so much. They are amazing little human beings. But how on earth am I supposed to find the time for everything? The older child is PDA autistic and he finds it really hard to make it through 8 hours of daycare even 4 days a week (we've been keeping him home every Wednesday so that he has a little bit of a breather). When both children are at home, they're such a handful that my wife has a hard time taking ca”

“Hello Daddit! When you get the chance for a break, what do you do with your time? Also if you wanted a break to really decompress, relax and turn the brain off what do you do? Parent life is full on and when I get a break I sometimes feel at a loss of what to do. submitted by /u/ThrowRA-Thuggy [link] [comments]”

“Just a dad who is completely done with the baby phase. We have 4 kids, a 6.5 yo, 5 yo, 3 yo, and 10 month old. And we saved our worse sleeper for last. After being in this for almost 7 years, I'm just completely fried with babies. I know it gets easier as my two oldest are cake walks now, but I just wish I could fast forward the next 9-12 months. I know that sounds awful, but it's just constant chaos. Would love to hear from those with 4+ kids who have been through similar feelings”

“Father of 5 kids here - I feel very proud and lucky to have these kids, they are truly growing up in amazing ways and we have really found our grove as a big family. We live in a place where most families here have 1 maybe 2 kids, so we are an outlier. That means, I see a lot of only-child kids and the difference when we have those kids over for a playdate is really stark. They are incredibly needy for attention, non-stop talking, arguing with kids and adults on trivial things all in the name of”

“I'm a Dad to a 5 year old son and an almost 2 year old daughter. My wife and I both work full time jobs, and money is tight. Our credit took a hit after she was out of work for a while due to a very hard pregnancy with our daughter- and we just had to stay afloat so credit card balances grew and we couldn't keep up. Every day for awhile now has felt like a battle with how expensive things are getting, how easy it is to blow through a paycheck, how hard it seems for people to be happy und”

“We have an 18 month old. I have no friends or family with kids, so figured I would ask here. How do you feel about the day and being celebrated? Personally, I feel like my wife & family shouldn't be burdened with doing something for me. Like.. life is complicated and a challenge enough without having to go out out their way for me (same as my birthday). I really try to make things as easy for my family as possible. I'd say about 95% of everything is done by me: daycare transport, eas”

“Got 3 beautiful kids, oldest is starting school, the youngest is almost sitting up, and I am so spent. I WFH and take the kids to my inlaws so I'm around the kids all day during the week. My wife works in the office 4/5 days and the 5th day she works from home while I still take the kids so she can work. Everything is just on repeat at this point, even the frustration and the bickering/fighting with my wife. She gets stressed which stresses me out which stresses her out which causes us to fi”

“I do this all the time. My kids saw this comic and said, "Dad, you do that all the time." So many drinks lost. My kids are 7... And they already associate this with me 😂 submitted by /u/monorico [link] [comments]”

“Hey Dads! Dad to a 5yo boy and 6mo girl here. Got something that’s been weighing heavily as of late and wanted to see how the sub is finding ways to cope. As Dads Online I’m sure we all see way more stories about terrible things happening to kids than we’d like, but it feels to me that over the last few months my socials have become absolutely saturated with horrific news (of all kinds, but more specifically about kids) and the sheer volume is really starting to weigh heavily. I know a big part”

“My daughter is 2, turning 3 in September, and lately I’ve become painfully aware of how fast this is all going. So I wanted to ask the dads who are further down the road: When you look back at the years when your kids were 2–4, what are you glad you did? What do you wish you had done differently? What little things seemed insignificant at the time but ended up meaning everything? I ask because I’m starting to realize that I’m living through a period of my life that I’m probably going to desperat”

“I’m asking this question to the Dads. Dads, if you can please weigh in on what you would do I would really appreciate it. My husband left our almost 4 old (4 in late Oct) alone for a full 5 minutes inside a KFC while he used the bathroom. He cannot see error here and says I’m being paranoid. I would appreciate any opinions on the matter. I am really struggling here. Thank you submitted by /u/Pretend_Jello_2823 [link] [comments]”

“My wife got her dream job this year. I quit my job to help take care of our two kids 3 and 4 yrs. Oldest started school, and my job is now taking care of my 3 year old. I want this time with my kid, so I decided to offer babysitting services. Posting on babysitting groups to make some money. Should these comments make me feel encouraged? submitted by /u/DwEoArTmH [link] [comments]”

“just saw an Instagram video about how no one showed up for a 3 year olds bday party. mom called the fire dept and they came and saved the day for the kiddo. 2 years ago id have been like “aww, sweet of them” and now im riddled with sadness and fury over the thought that anyone would do a kids birthday dirty like that. I mean i woulda recognized it was sad and unfortunate before, but now my eyes water at the notion. I don’t mind at all that im more in touch w my softer side since becoming a paren”

“Im sure this has been covered load before but boy do I feel lonely as a dad. I don't really have any freinds other then the husbands of my wife's school mum group. That I sort just become a tag along too. I get on well with my work colleagues but not sure I class them as freinds. I will admit my hobbies are bit out there and quite isolating ( ultra running and calisthenics). So im.not likely going meet any friends thay have similar hobbies you me. I used to go fishing but sold up this we”

“I was hoping to do this as a poll but I guess that's not an option here. In short, I love doing all kinds of other play - biking, sports, board games, puzzles, obstacles course. I'm just not the creative type and struggle to adapt to constantly changing rules and expectations. I really don't like doing imagination play (also my parents and older siblings never did it with me as a child, only my friends). However, my partner is trying to persuade me that: It's particularly importa”

“Edit: Wanted to address the comments about “i take the baby, she takes the baby” sort of thing going on. We’re just kind of loner types. Our recovery time is doing our own thing. And most nights it’s not “they’re on duty, so i’m in my office with the door closed” it’s more of one persons the primary, changing, feeding etc, with the other being the support. Making bottles, grabbing stuff when the other needs it, and then we play with him together. I’m mostly talking about missing date nights, or”

“Our wives arranged a playdate for our four-year-olds this morning. That meant I was forced to spend three straight hours at another grown man's house with zero conversational preparation. we do not know each other. We have never spoken a word. We are just two tired introverts trapped in the same backyard because our daughters bonded over plastic dinosaurs. He opened the door at 10:15 AM, handed me an unopened can of seltzer, and led me to the patio. We then proceeded to stand side-by-side in”

“Not sure if this happened to other new parents, but after I became a dad, my old hobbies which was basically gaming and pc builds have no more meaning. In the beginning I was too tired to actually do any gaming, but after we got into a rhythm and the baby started to have a sleep schedule, I tried to get back into my old games(anything from open world survivals, city builders, some shooters) and everything felt idk...stale. I could not get back into that "zone", I could not feel again l”

“half vent half actual question, bear with me. my daughter is 6 and saturday morning is supposed to be our thing. except it isnt, its the yard's thing. by the time im done mowing and doing the edges and whatever else needs doing out there its early afternoon and shes already found something to do without me. last weekend she asked if we could do something just the two of us and i said sure, right after i finish the lawn. she said ok in that way kids do when theyve already stopped expecting it”

“Hi Dads, I've got a 2yr old son going on 3. My wife and I are debating having kid #2; we're both on the fence. I love my wife and son, so we're good there. However, I am struggling. I am severely depressed - not to the extent of self-harm, as I will never allow that to happen. I lost my mom at 14yr old, I know what it's like to lose a parent, I will never choose to inflict that on my son, let alone choose to make my wife a single mother. I objectively have a lot to be grateful fo”

“Hey all, Family and friends have recently made comments to me on how my wife and I split overall care of our 2.5 yo son and overall household upkeep/chores. It’s made me wonder how it goes for other dads and other families in similar circumstances. I’ve felt from to time that I take on a bit more, especially on the household upkeep front, which is what family and friends share, but curious about how it goes for others. A rundown of our day: 530-6: I wake up, do some light exercises/stretches 6-6”

“For context, I only have one child. He's 11 months old and I absolutely love him. But for months I've been dealing with the most aggravating part of fatherhood and it's only getting worse. He has lots of toys, most of which he does enjoy! But none of them can hold a candle to his favourite - random shit. Nothing entertains him more than a pack of wipes. Which is fine, until he pulls the plastic flap off and starts choking on it. Or until the corners scratch up his gums. He also has a”

“Random question for the dads here. I was looking through some old photos with my family recently and realized how messy the whole thing is. Some are on my phone, some are on my wife's phone, some are in WhatsApp chats, some are on Google Photos, and we still have a bunch of old pictures sitting in boxes. And the weirdest part is that there are photos of people I don't even recognize anymore. I'll ask my parents and they'll know exactly who it is and tell me some story about them.”

“I married a single mom. We've been married about two years so I'm at a place where I have three kids but only two years of parenting experience. Kids are 12, 7 and 5. I have been trying to hold a line that the kids should not be allowed in our room. Wife doesn't really care if they are or not so the kids come and go from what I see as our space all the time. When they're their they frequently go through our stuff which drives me insane. If I leave something on my dresser it will”

“So I’m a dad of three: toddler and newborn twins. Life on paper is really great and I love them all dearly. What I’m struggling with is this feeling of isolation, loss of self, and FOMO. Throughout the day I will switch from wishing I spent more time travelling the world, life maxxed and went to all the concerts and sporting events, dove head first all in to a hobbit like golfing or skiing, pursued culinary school abroad, got the cool car, etc. I get irritated looking at social media of everyone”

“Hey fellow dads, I am in a little bit of a situation and I could use some support. I am so fucking mad, I feel like I can burn the place down. I will try and keep the details short and story short, but basically my child's daycare recently shut down. It wasn't because they were retiring. It wasn't because of a health concern. It was because the lady running the daycare out of her house had someone staying with her that was a registered sex offender. Someone convicted of sexual assaul”

“I have a boy and a girl, 6 and 8. My wife is very stressed with work and she's losing it on them. They're bored with summer and getting into fights all the time. I'm constantly trying to keep the peace and patching up fights between my wife and the kids, I feel like a punching bag. Vacation here goes until mid September. How's your summer going? submitted by /u/sfcl33t [link] [comments]”

“My wife is going away this weekend (Friday through Monday morning) and I will have the baby solo. I am fortunate that i will have support from family, but I haven't been the sole parent for more than a day before. Not really sure what's making me so nervous TBH. I've done wakeup, during the day, naps, bedtime, etc. alone before. I think it's just calling the shots solo for an extended period of time that is getting me nervous, plus the general monotony of a 10 month old. Not sure”

“35M with two kids (7 and 5) here. I’ve been in sales for over 12 years (15 if you count college), and this is the most burnt out I’ve ever been. My kids are just reaching the ages where they want more independence, but they’re not quite ready yet, and the daily arguments are exhausting. Add to that, trying to maintain the constant grind and subsequently falling behind in a cutthroat sales career is doubly exhausting, and I’m pretty much at my wits end. Any advice for a struggling dad? Did you st”