Parents feel guilty about wanting more alone time

“I have the best daughter (1) she is my whole world. I can get frustrated easily but something Ive been working on. Days like today it's hard for me to process the mom guilt I have when I have a tough day so my mood and energy is down. I might not make her giggle as much or forget to sing her favorite song or give as many kisses. Its always after I get a few minutes alone after bedtime to come out of the fog of frustration and have all this guilt. Just venting to see if others have had a simi”

“I’m not sure when it happened but the concept of like true fun feels lost on me. I have plenty of kid fun and enjoyable moments with my family. But like belly laughing on a night out feels like a part of my life that is over. Like all of the fun for the rest of my life is parent fun. I’m not sure if this is because it’s all I’ve seen. My parents have no friends and haven’t held a consistent friendship in over 15 years. They get all of their social activity in with my sister and I. And it truly m”

“No time for your own relaxation or exercise any more, anfmd taking the kids out can just be a chore or dead time scrolling ... unless you find something fun to do in parallel submitted by /u/shallowblue [link] [comments]”

“Disclaimer… ours is only 3.5 lmao. So that’s why I say irrational. He’s just a kid. Tired from traveling. Testing the environment. All that stuff. But man we came this this hotel that’s basically paradise for kids and hes like 25% of the time whining for something different, 25% of the time doing annoying shit he knows he shouldn’t do. 50% of the time he seems fine lol so that’s a win at least but come on kid this is paradise for you just have fun please submitted by /u/Itchy-Version”

“Just sitting in my driveway while My daughter plays with the girl across the street giving them space to feel a little independent while I can still see them and wow is this boring. I do it because I love her and want her to have friends and socialize. Doesn’t help that it’s gray, cool and sprinkling out. I also find reading children’s chapter books painfully dull. My kindergartener likes to get them from the school library but can’t read yet. I have read so many magical rainbow fairy books and”

“Very selfish i know, but i feel like recently i'm fed up. My wife has it way worse and she is the strongest person i know but i know that secretly she wishes she could get a break from being a mom too. To dads that have experienced this and might have children that are a bit older, how do you get this free time that restores your brain? Does it even happen or am i doomed to feel drained every day? submitted by /u/Koblatus [link] [comments]”

“My 7 year old has started going to bed at 8:30 (usually falls asleep by 9:15. How do you parents with similar bedtimes get any time together?? When do you get to watch your trashy reality shows with your partner? Is the answer just "you don't"? Thanks in advance :) submitted by /u/auriandfoxen [link] [comments]”

“My older kid is happy doing their own thing and rarely asks for help. My younger one will come find me over every missing toy, snack, argument, whatever. Neither is doing anything wrong, but some evenings I realize I’ve barely had a full conversation with my older child. Yesterday I was scrolling on my phone when my older kid came over to show me a comic they’d drawn. We got through about half of it before their sibling called for help in the bathroom. I said I’d be right back, then got caught u”

“So today I took off work to catch up on some house chores and errands I had to run, my daughter (3) went to Pre school for the morning. I felt a little guilty but justified it that I had to get the house work done and would be too distracted if she were home. I told her I'd pick her up early and we'd go the playground. The house work took longer than expected , then by the time I ran to the bank and everything else I had to do I was way behind , and I also told my wife I'd make sure”

“I guess this can branch into empty nest territory too, but I'm not there yet. I'm a single mom with one kid, 13f, and we are very close. We joke around often, we have deep talks, we hang out and watch stupid shows that interest her. She's my baby. I've put so much emotional investment into this kid and even though we're close, she talks about going away to an ivy league school and basically abandoning me lol (my words not hers). I think she's independent for her age. Or m”

“It's amazing that you've figured it out. But it turns out when I have unbounded free time by myself (it's different when I'm with others), I spend way too much of it doing stuff that is worse for my mental health (e.g. screens and social media). That's not what I spend all my time doing, but even 1 hr a day is a net negative. My best most productive times not working is right before the baby is born and right before the end of mat leave. Crunch time makes me so much more moti”

“My son is 4. Smart as hell, constantly talking and asking questions. I’m a single, WFH mom and he’s in school part-time. I’m noticing a pattern when after he goes to sleep I have immense guilt over the times of the day that I was maybe tired, short-tempered, etc. My mind never seems to focus on the good parts of our day. I don’t want to look back and feel like I could’ve been a better, more patient mom. Can anyone relate? Any advice? submitted by /u/junebugonarose [link] [comme”

“Having a hard time finding anything that’s not purely anecdotal. I remember reading something that one of the reasons as kids get old they think their parents are full of sh** is an evolutionary one designed to get teenagers to leave their tribes and reduce chances of inbreeding or something but ofc I can’t find it anymore. But I swear the amount of times I tell my kid xyz and then a random adult tells it to them once and they’re like omg mom did you know xyz… I want to rip out my hair. This can”

“I can’t be alone with my four year old without him crying for his dad. I’m not necessarily looking for advice, I’ve tried everything. My husband always been the preferred parent. Some people tell me that it changes back and forth. It doesn’t. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and heartbreaking. I feel like I can’t do anything 1-1 with my kid without him constantly crying for daddy. And I mean ANYTHING. My husband can’t even go to the bathroom without crying/looking for his dad. submitted by &#”

“We have a 1.5 year old. I have this crazy idea about maybe going to a church group once a week ( maybe miss a week here or there) in the evening. My wife would probably not want to attend. The it being a church group doesn't matter, I could want to go to <insert any non alcoholic social club thing> and the response will be the same. I could even find a thing that lets me take the kid. ( although she never lets me take him anywhere alone. ) My wife will think its selfish and be pissed.”

“Second day in a row I missed family movie night because I was too busy parenting. 5 year old keeps talking loudly after I try to get him to do quiet activities to preoccupy himself with. 21 month old had been refusing to go to sleep until 10pm no matter what (nap or no nap, meals, activities). So I’ve been having these 1-2 hour long bedtime battles. Tonight he kept hitting me & the final straw was he bit down on me hard. I handed him over to my partner & excused myself downstairs to be a”

“What do you all enjoy doing while your kids play? I’m referring to the times where they want you close (so no cleaning, chores, etc). Trying to stay off my phone. submitted by /u/amw0526 [link] [comments]”

“I just saw a comment on another thread saying their almost two year old can go 30 minutes to an hour and half just chilling and playing (not sleeping) in their room alone. My almost 2 year old girl still screams when I walk out of the room to use the bathroom… she has always been incredible clingy. Am I really the huge outlier here??? 1/2 hour happy alone in her room seems unfathomable submitted by /u/aprilchestnut [link] [comments]”

“I have a 3.5 year old that almost seems to hate me. She is my oldest and doesn’t like me to touch her, play with her, cuddle her etc. she loves her dad, but he’s gone about 13 hours per day. He gets Friday-Sunday off and when he goes back to work on Monday she throws these crazy tantrums all day. Hitting me kicking me throwing things at me. I just don’t know what to do with her anymore. I don’t spank she doesn’t respond to timeouts, gentle talking, or disengaging. She has a meltdown anytime she”

“I have a day off tomorrow while my kiddo is in school from 9am to 4.30pm. Yay! It’s been a while since I had a day to myself honestly. All the vacation time I took this year, we were travelling with our kid so it really wasn’t very relaxing lol. Now the problem is, I have way too much stuff to get done. I already have a checklist of things: organize the dressers, donate some clothes, organize the kitchen, shop for some winter clothes, get a pedicure, etc. It’ll be great if I can get everything d”

“This morning my two older kids had a hard time waking up, which was completely predictable because they went to bed way too late. I’m a SAHD, I’m responsible for getting our three kids to school, and that’s fine. But it’s raining, we’re running late, one kid can’t find the pants she wants and has had me searching for them for ten minutes, I’m figuring out jackets, socks, backpacks, getting everybody into the car, etc. Somehow my wife has the missing pants and produces them. Fine. Then I’m openin”

“I have been really really struggling with my kids since my daughter entered toddlerhood (they are 5 and 1). I feel like I spend all the time I'm with the two of them correcting behavior, redirecting, comforting, and lecturing, and lately my daughter will not go to sleep for me ever which is depressing and exhausting. I am also probably starting perimenopause which is not helping things. Twice recently when I have been alone with my two kids i have ended up sobbing from overwhelm. I feel awfu”

“Parents, anyone found it hard to let go, especially with your first born? I have a 4 year old who is quickly becoming independent and wanting to do things by himself. Now, I know as a parent, that's my job! To make him self sufficient, confident and independent. And yet, he's still my baby and he just turned 4. So I really struggle to "let go" sometimes and let him do things on his own. I am filled with all sorts of emotions (most of it is immense pride) but also a bit of sadne”

“Just here to vent - I went to lunch with my work team earlier this week. There was a lull in the conversation and someone asked what everyone's hobbies were. When it was my turn, I started to tell people what I like to do and my boss chimed in and said "you also babysit too!" I corrected her that I'm a parent, not a babysitter, and then I made a light joke about "definitely doesn't feel like babysitting when I'm bottle feeding at 3 in the morning." She then sa”

“My wife + our daughter + wife's mother are going on a girls trip for a week. It's strange.. I'm always so tired and should probably be looking forward to recharging in that alone time. But tomorrow morning I drive them to the airport and right now I'm dreading it. My daughter is my buddy. We garden together, make art together, and cook together. I get very little time to myself, and now I'm worried the silence will be deafening. Any advice or tips? I have zero social life sin”

“I feel like we are all warned about mum guilt, but I also have a strong sense of wife guilt. Is this a thing or just me? I feel guilty that I can't keep the house tidy, that my sex drive is out the window, that I don't look the same anymore. My husband is lovely and says I don't need to feel guilty, but I still do. I'm worried he's just saying that to be nice. Anyone relate? submitted by /u/Optimal_Maintenance1 [link] [comments]”

“I’m struggling to keep a positive attitude towards my significant other once it’s been 14 hours of straight watching my kid from 6 am to 8 pm. Even at work, I have to take a lunch or else I just start getting frustrated on day 3 of non stop working. Any tips on how I can reset. My baby is awake most of the time. Her naps are contact naps. Edit: My baby is 16 weeks old. It’s tax season andy SO has two deadlines around this time. The hours get worse closer to the deadline and she works saturdays a”

“My husband and I are taking our first vacation alone without the kids. We will be in Rome for 5 days and my daughter is having a hard time dealing with me leaving. Our inlaws will be staying over at our home to watch both our kids 10 years old and 5 year old. I trust them completely. My youngest doesn’t seem to care (I think she’s just not as aware) but my oldest is giving me such a hard time. Asking me to stay everyday and do I have to go? And I do feel guilty leaving and have been flip floppin”

“My 3.5 year old daughter is an absolute joy. She has a cheerful disposition, she's cooperative and sociable, she's healthy and loving. She's meeting and exceeding milestones. She's highly intelligent, including emotionally and socially. She's very independent and can be stubborn but you can negotiate and reason with her which is a godsend given her age. Lately her behaviour has been more difficult to manage and I can chalk that up to development, but the little signs all seem”

“When my kids were younger (toddler/preschool) I spent most of my weekend playing with the kids, taking them on adventures, etc. They needed closer supervision anyway, so it was always nice to get them out of the house. Now that they’re getting older (8 and 6) I find that they’re often finding their own things to do, playing with neighborhood kids, or otherwise being self-sufficient enough that I try to get some household chores done. We still do outings, but I tend to be a bit more productive no”

“I do the majority of the kid stuff. All the legwork scheduling and most of the activities, majority of cooking. I do one on one and one on two trips with my two girls. I'll get off work early and take them to the playground. My wife is great, but objectively I spend more time with both my kids than my wife does. My oldest is great, tells me often she loves me, loves spending time with me. My youngest (4.5) doesn't give me any of that. If my wife is around she mostly ignores me and will t”

“Me and the wife are looking at each other twiddling our thumbs. Neither 10 year old nor 7week old wants to hang out with us. The big one is playing pokemon on the TV and the small one is hanging out in bassinet. submitted by /u/AnotherSheeple [link] [comments]”

“My wife had been gently (and not so gently) reminding me for weeks to take the kids out on a trip. This weekend I finally did it — just me and my little one, all by ourselves, for two whole hours at the park. And somehow, we both made it back in one piece. No meltdowns, no disasters, no emergency calls to mom. Before we left, she gave me the usual rundown: watch them closely, don’t let them eat random stuff off the ground, etc. I nodded like I was preparing for a military operation. I used to th”

“I have three kids, 7, 5 and 3, and between work, dinner, baths, school stuff and the general chaos, finding time for myself can feel ridiculous. I've stopped trying to find an uninterrupted hour to exercise or do anything productive. Most days, that hour simply doesn't exist. Lately I've been much more interested in the 15 to 20 minute version of things. A short walk, a quick workout, sitting quietly with a coffee before everyone wakes up, whatever I can realistically fit in. I'm”

“For context, my girly is 6 months old. My husband and I both work full time so she spends a lot of time in daycare, making the time we have together so valuable. That being said, it’s impossible for me to get things done for/by myself on the weekends bc I hate spending time away from my baby when I don’t have to. For example, I’m meant to get my hair done this weekend after not getting it done for over a year and a half now, but the thought of being away from her by choice for hours is eating me”

“Dads, I'm really struggling tonight. My daughter is 4 and a half, and I know she loves me very much and loves spending time with me. But she definitely does still prefer her mom and I can't deny it hurts. I know people say it will change, but it's been this way for 4 years now. I can't help but think I am doing something wrong. Then at the same time I feel like a shit person for feeling bad that she prefers my wife, because my wife and daughter are the 2 people I love the most in”

“I don't mean for hours so that we can go to the bar. But it's nice out, the kids are asleep, id love to walk around the block for half an hour with my wife. And the kids have cameras in their rooms. So how old? submitted by /u/Technical_Goose_8160 [link] [comments]”

“Last night my granddaughter had a temper tantrum because she wasn't allowed to come home with me for a few hours. Her mom told her and her brother that if they were good for the rest of the night they could come to my house today. When i left I told my granddaughter to remember to listen to her mom and be....? I was assuming her answer would be "good". Instead her answer was "have" as in "behave" lol even as an adult I find myself saying "are you being have”

“I love playing with my 3 year old. when i come home from work, i pretty much dedicate my entire evening to interacting with him and our 1 year old. but i've noticed that our 3 year old doesn't really love playing much without us around. for example, yesterday we went to a birthday party. there was a bounce house. and a ball pit. most of the kids were having a blast. my kid was too. he played a bit, then ate, then sort of spent the rest of his time around us. he went in the ball pit but r”

“Or, my wife almost never backs me up when it comes to rules and discipline of our four boys (8, 4, 2 year old twins). We’ve been married 12 years. The particular issue now: our oldest is obsessed with wearing his football cleats INSIDE the house (that we moved to this summer and spent maybe too much money on). Nice wood floors all on the main level (where he wears them). I’ve told him cleats are for outside as I’m not interested in this fascination ruining our floors. Also to me doesn’t seem lik”

“My kiddo is at that lovely age (8 months) when you can technically do whatever YOU want to do and just bring them along for the ride. Normally it's fine when we have plans to see people or go out to have fun or do some shopping, but I don't always have weekend plans and normally I get my housework done during the week so I can game or watch series over the weekend. I feel really guilty if my daughter is with me and I'm just gaming all day or catching up on a series so I end up fillin”

“Holy shit it’s hard to get alone time and the one night we’re in that “mood” ; NOPE . This shit is a struggle . 2 kids , one of them is a 6 month old . Just let us have one night bro lol . You’re usually chilling or sleeping by now 😂 submitted by /u/No-Caregiver-2510 [link] [comments]”

“Husband decided to take both kids (8 and 4) to see a movie. So I’m home… alone… for two hours! Do I clean? Nap? Doom scroll? Watch TV? Purge toys? What would you do? submitted by /u/Beckella [link] [comments]”

“I do not mean leaving them alone or unsupervised but let's say they are in the living room and you can see them from the kitchen. submitted by /u/ShareEvening5856 [link] [comments]”

“I take my 2 yr old daughter to my parents’ house for maybe like 5-6 hrs on Saturdays & about 8 hours on Sunday’s. We work FT & I’m back in school which is what prompted this setup. I know alot of people who spent a substantial amount of time with grandparents but I never experienced that & even though I look forward to the weekend, I still feel guilt here & there. Today my mom cancelled this coming Saturday & I immediately felt like a pound of pressure to get my school work d”

“My daughter has stopped going to daycare and I am now a stay at home mom. This has been since the end of August. Since then it seems like she needs even more attention which confuses me. She will play by herself sometimes but consistently says things like “ mommy I miss you” as if we haven’t been together every hour for more than two weeks. Is this because of the lack of children? I ask if she misses school or her friends and she always says no and that she doesn’t want to go back. For more cont”

“I’m curious how other parents deal with this when it comes to playing with their kids. I’d say I’m a pretty playful dad. I’m happy to mess around at the playground, kick a ball around, play board games, do pretend play, etc. But right now my 4-year-old daughter is absolutely obsessed with Paw Patrol and basically only wants to play with her Paw Patrol figures. And I can see she gets sad when neither of us wants to play fu***** Paw Patrol with her, which makes me feel guilty because it feels like”

“About a month ago I made a post here about how my husband would be taking the kids to his parents for a week while I stayed home and worked. (Because of vacation availability at work we couldn't go together) And asked for ideas of what to do with the place to myself. Anyway I had an awesome week and I wanted to share how I spent my time. - finished a little DIY project of putting up sticky tiles in the kitchen (see link below for a picture) - got out my new steam cleaner and played around bl”

“When I’m home all day with my toddler I’m almost always doing stuff whether it be playing, preparing meals for both of us , run errands, during naps I workout and clean up the house. But when my husband is home in the evenings or weekends I find myself just wanting to sit and scroll my phone. I just feel frozen and I don’t really know why. It’s not even very restful or anything. submitted by /u/Calieahrens [link] [comments]”

“Looking for ideas and intrigued what others are up to? Saturday is usually our day for being busy and out and about. Swimming lessons, shopping etc etc. It’s raining outside so going to the park etc is out of the question. submitted by /u/PuzzleheadedCarob921 [link] [comments]”

“My wife and i finally got away for a long weekend and my parents watched our 2 kids. When we got back my mom casually said, “They really don’t eat many vegetable, do they?” She wasn’t trying to be critical, but it’s been stuck in my head ever since. I know they’re healthy and growing, but now I’m second guessing whether I’m doing enough or just getting through busy weekdays. Did anybody else’s parents make u rethink your kid’s eating habits? submitted by /u/Perifriesss [link] [”

“I’m genuinely curious what other moms do with that rare bit of freedom are u going out and doing smth fun, catchin up on hobbies or js finally sitting down and staring at a wall 😂 submitted by /u/sleepcactus [link] [comments]”

“Wife and I are discussing future weekend getaways for the two of us. I personally think 14 is plenty old enough for a weekend alone, but my wife thinks no sooner than 16. What do my fellow Reddit parents think? ETA: For the sake of discussion, we know it's dependent on the child and maturity level, but let's say the child is usually well-behaved and dependable. submitted by /u/dgtbfan [link] [comments]”

“My wife and I have a 2 year old child who has separation anxiety, especially with my wife. trauma. She sleeps in our room, most of the day even in our bed otherwise she will not sleep, and also cannot be left alone during the day. (With alone I mean she will cry when she isn't holding onto either one of us/if she cannot see us.) Any advice how to get some alone time with your partner while parenting an extremely clingy child? submitted by /u/Brilliant_Ebb_5142 [link] [comme”

“This is my flawed, one-sided, partly malformed interpretation of the events. And I'm not even all that frustrated with my wife. She cares deeply about cuddling our child and co-sleeping with him and I don't necessarily hold that against her My wife and I have disagreed historically about bedtime. I would prefer to follow pediatric guidelines more closely in terms of children should get to sleep at the prescribed time, and my wife doesn't agree. Our son gets to bed later, and then get”

“I feel like im the only parent (SAHM) that struggles with this.... Its this feeling where, i want my kids to go back to school because we are in this state of idling. Just stalling... with no real routine or structure. I struggle to do anything ... not because i dont have time, but it feels like im just waiting for them to go back to school so i can wake up from this weird dreamstate. i just want some sort of routine to start so we can just be normal again, and i can start focusing better. But m”

“31 year old Dad to a 3 month old baby. She is beautiful, smart, healthy, and perfect. I do love her a lot, and think it's all very rewarding when she's smiling, etc. Don't want to sound too regretful or anything, because I'm not. I'm clouded by recency bias here, because our baby has completely stopped breastfeeding, which is obviously a major hurdle in the road. It's still a major paradigm shifting event. Life has changed SO much. Even listening to parents before, I stil”

“I want to acknowledge that I am extremely privileged to have a partner that listens to me but I have been having the same fight with him almost every weekend. I’m in therapy but I’m starting to think I may be the problem and need some outside perspective. Been together for 11 years, married for 4, and have an almost 3.5 year old who is very “spirited” (doctor thinks gifted or ADHD but still working through OT for tantrums/anxiety). I am definitely the type a person while he is the quintessential”

“Wife and I have 2 kids: 5.5yo daughter, 2yo son. We are living abroad without family around. In advance, I am an introverted person, and I savour every alone moment. I get overstimulated quickly, especially when I can’t sneak away. My wife took our kids back to our home country for 3 weeks to visit her parents, and I was alone. For all of it. Working from home. I must say, I enjoyed it tremendously. I missed my family, but I never lived alone - we finished uni, and moved from our parents homes t”