Writers need feedback on their writing

“Let me know if it's boring, too rushed, or if there are any other issues to be found!! Chapter Two “ That’s because everything is wrong.” There was something in her voice, something that felt like more than her anger over my legally granted possession of the property. “I could mail you his things,” I offered quietly after a moment, as if that would make any of this better. She might’ve been terrible, but she was still my mother, and seeing this new side of her pulled at me in a way I never e”

submitted by /u/xX-BarnacleBob-Xx [link] [comments]

“I know it’s dialogue heavy and the transition are a but jarring for a first chapter. And the character doesn’t really have a voice of her own but it’s being worked on. submitted by /u/Lady-Lilith289 [link] [comments]”

“Fitting In Emily was in class again. To her right was one if the many monsters that resembled a living animal costume, and to her left was that most peculiar monster who wore all black and whos face was always hidden in shadows. At this moment she was digging her black claws into her desk and making annoying noises. Emily figured this wasn't the type of monster to be bothered with a discussion during a lecture. “Do you know why all the teachers look like that? Its kind of scary I think” This”

“Note: This story might not make sense if you don't have context of the other chapters so please keep that in mind. Otherwise, enjoy! 😁 submitted by /u/OssieChannie [link] [comments]”

“Okay writing friends. I need some help. I am writing some dialogue for a story. Tell me if this is hot or not. Would it turn you on or piss you off if someone actually said something like this to you. Maybe even tell me why. “Why didn’t you come over that night at the bar and save me from that guy that was talking my ear off? You knew that I kept looking at you.” A slight smile crossed his lips as he shook his finger at me. “Oh no, no, no. That isn’t how this works honey, I showed you I was inte”

Chapter four. Twelve versions. Each one completely different from the last. In the first one, they talked in a café. In the fifth, they argued in a car. In the ninth, they…

“Hi, so I've tried to redraft my Chapter 1 (this is unfinished) but I was wondering what people will think of it. Do you like my character voice? There is more action that I have planned a little bit later on but I wondering what your initial impressions were. It was a bit stupid of me not to describe how Ari 'hates this kind of situation' as I just stated it. 😅 I was wondering whether it was right to introduce my character's name this early on or not. For some context: there has”

“Alright, so just as a warning, my writing is pretty gruesome. I've decided on this specific type of injury because it would greatly impact the character's life in a way that would further the plot (they are a radio host and rely on their voice as their main tool). The character is slashed in the side of the neck by an axe, cutting the tendons and carotid artery on his right side. I'm aware that this kind of injury can damage the vocal cords, which is why I chose it. A second characte”

“\\*would love feedback, opinion or comments\\\ Was it the blood flowing through him? Is it toxic? Did her untainted heart reject that sludge? To think it ran within his veins, so chronic. A poison bile that her heart couldn't make budge. A tear in reality to break the matrix. The robot on autopilot must've gone rogue. It's displaying signs of love and affection. Why believe he'd switch his heart on so easily? Order must be upheld for people’s protection. Shut it off now,”

“Is the spicy bit enough for this chapter, around 2000 words, if the rest is just the mundanity of her day? There will be another chapter that explains what she does with the bag (I know its pretty obvious, but there is more to it). BRRRZZZZZZZZT! Sarah’s alarm erupts at 8am. She’s jarred awake by the din of shrill cascading digital tones in concert with a vicious vibrating dance on the wood of her nightstand. BRRRZZZZZZZZT! As she begins to come to she can feel that her bladder is about to burst”

“So, the character is asexual, and this is my first time writing a scene like this. Is this how you write an asexual character? Edit: pls excuse the whole 'inside him' thing I wrote this at midnight because I didn't want to forget and just posted it on here because I'm too lazy to edit. submitted by /u/So_exist_iguess [link] [comments]”

“Synopsis of plot: Velis witnesses the massacre of her household and the king’s murder of her father, forcing her into a world of betrayal, fae politics, and survival as she’s dragged toward the brutal academy of Hazelgard. Hunted and alone, she must uncover her father’s secret, endure Hazelgard’s deadly trials, and rise against the king who destroyed everything she knew. I’m working on a romantasy novel and would really appreciate some honest feedback on my reworked first chapter. I really appre”

“I’m working on a romantasy novel and would really appreciate some honest feedback on my first chapter. I’m particularly interested to know if: -The character's voice works for you. -Prose wise. -Too fast or slow paced? -Would you continue reading? submitted by /u/Either_Rub_3681 [link] [comments]”

“Sorry if this looks a bit confusing, English is not my first language and it can be hard for me to be super gramatically accurate while writing in english... Long story short, i'm continuing a story i started when i was 15 and put at a long hiatus around 17/18 years old. As i'm building this like a puzzle (or more like a chaotic Mario Party map) after a really long time without working on this (i'm 27 now btw) i layered the piesces and reached a very interesting side plot path. I int”

“This is for a Call of Duty fanfic by the way. I’ve only ever written a few times before. Wanting to improve though. submitted by /u/Sai-bun [link] [comments]”

“Hello, I would like some feedback for a scene I wrote for writing practice. I don't know if this is the best place to post, please let me know if you know of somewhere better to post writing for feedback. It's not a complete short story; the scene intentionally ends without a full resolution. I'd mainly love feedback on the prose, dialogue, characterization, pacing, and whether the opening makes you want to keep reading. I'm especially interested in anything that feels awkward, u”

“This is a very early draft. God. What did they say? Point 1 33 334 is off limits- but what do they mean? Everything is off limits. Her foot beat the shale of grass, a path that carved out to her side full of rubber bullets. Her eyes fixed upon the centre of the dashboard: her arrow slicked back like a slingshot, the body of an animal pointing towards its prey. Except here we didn't have prey. Only points. She isn't a predator. She played another bullet in the arrow. The arrow was strange”

submitted by /u/Ticket-Tight [link] [comments]

“I know some of the action descriptions towards the end get repetitive and the dialogue markers are inconsistent but how are we feeling overall submitted by /u/ComparisonLost1846 [link] [comments]”

“so this is a snippet of a fanfic I've been working on. you don't need to know any details about the game it's based on. I feel like I'm not good at writing romance so I wanted feedback. it stops before it really gets to anything intense romantically A few nights after she came back home, she made bouillabaisse for Klaus. This time as she walked down that tall staircase in the town's center she went carefully, her hand positioned at the middle of her bag to keep it tight. She”

“I'm writing a romantic/drama novel. This is a chapter from my novel (still writing). I'd like honest feedback on the dialogue, emotional impact, pacing, and whether the characters feel believable. English is my second language, so I'd also appreciate feedback on unnatural phrasing. Introduction - Bella I felt like I was flying in the air. It felt as if I was flying with the support of a parachute. Suddenly, a bird flew straight into my parachute, and I felt myself falling toward the”

“I finally started writing after having wet dreams about it for years. Hurray for me. FYI: English is not my first language (I am French, sadly) The narrator is schizotypal like me. I‘m aware the flow is odd and I would like to preserve that, but if it's too jarring I'll rework it to make more sense. There's a second POV character later on with a more fluid voice to contrast. The story revolves around Neil, a 32-year old who bonds with and accidentally grooms (using the word in the no”

“Writing the death scene of one of the main characters/the MC’s best friend. This is a rough draft and only a snippet obviously, but I was hoping for some feedback on the concept and progression. I’m going for a very metaphorical perspective, conceptualizing the MC’s lack of ability to process death. I’m first going to send the first couple lines of my prologue since it’s a bit of a callback: Prologue: Red had always been one of Cal’s favorite colors. The carpet lining the royal halls, the shade”

“I have my first chapter written, and would like feedback, specifically, on one character who uses an accent. After reading it through, please let me know if it was jarring, or if it worked for the character. If it was jarring, what would you do to change it? A complete change to normal text with only the mention that they have an accent, keep some of the mechanics, or sprinkle the mechanics in at times to remind the reader of their accent? Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks for reading. C”

“What are your impressions? I hope you enjoy reading it! \- When he arrives, he's probably surprised to find me patching the sleeve of my tunic - I soon realised how I did it; I snagged it on the rocks, leaving a large tear in one of the sleeves - spread all around me are the pieces of cloth that I'll use to do so. I travel with everything I need: a wooden needle and some thread are all I need. Admittedly, I'm more used to mending nets than clothing, but I don't dare to say that o”

“Hi y'all, Looking for a mature, confident, female writer (21+), to help me stress test my female characters, dialogue, etc. A woman's touch. I would reciprocate and diligently look at whatever you wrote for whatever help you need on your end. I don't have tons of free time, so I am only looking for one fellow writer of the opposite sex to exchange thoughts. I'm a 46m (happily married) writing a superhero noir series of novels for an adult audience. Less focus on the supernatural,”

“Chapter 25 😪😪 Turns out the dinner invitation wasn't to some fancy place. Not a hotel rooftop. Not a fine-dining restaurant where the menu requires Google Translate and possibly a minor in French. But... A tiny Japanese eatery tucked into a corner of Blok M. Yup. The kind with a cramped parking lot, a door that likes to get stuck, but somehow... vibes that beat those aesthetic cafés whose entire purpose is basically to be photographed. Warm lighting. Soft Japanese instrumental music. The w”

“Chapter 1 - Miracle "Human Ideals Shouldn't Be Bound." There was a blurry figure waving in my direction. I couldn't remember who it was, yet a strange sense of familiarity washed over me. As I drew closer and took a better look, the figure appeared unusually monochrome, aside from their skin color. But when my gaze shifted upward, I realized I couldn’t see their face clearly—not because it was blurred, but as if it had been deliberately painted over with thick, opaque pigments.”

“Would you stay if I was dead, If my body had no breath? If my heart was beating in another, Love, would you hear your name in them? My lungs breathing in a chest, Not familiar to your head, Would you feel my presence In every breath they take? And my eyes, you love so much, Were to be with someone else, Would they be as beautiful to you As they were in my face? Would you say they shine like ambers Under the rays of the sun, That they glimmer with hope and love As they view your silhouette? Would”

“It is my first chapter draft from 5 chapters. Please! Give me feedback! submitted by /u/Arth100mani [link] [comments]”

Lol I’ll try it

“Not completely finished yet, but I would really appreciate feedback. Thank you for reading. submitted by /u/thedailysonnet [link] [comments]”

“Chapter 4 The new paramedic: Ginger curls, and glasses that look like they are about to fall off her face. “Ivy! What did I tell you about leaving your messy hair hanging down when you’re supposed to have it up!? You never kno-“ Ivy pressed a finger on the guy's mouth, “Gabe? Gary? Gregory? You worry too much.” She tilted her head as she smiled all bubbly. She gets the hair tie off her wrist and keeps it in her mouth as she struggles a bit to bring all her hair together. “You look like you&#”