Children negotiate everything, demanding 'but only if'
17 posts across 5 communities in the last 60 days; 65% from r/daddit.
“Idk what to do. My 4yo used to eat all sorts of foods for meals and I had no issue with a snack bar or yogurt pouch or something like that before bed. Now the kid will actively shun meals, say “I’m full” without eating, or “this tastes gross” to previously favorite foods, so 10…”
“Ive read all about transitions and not wanting the day to be over blah blah but why do they have to be such assholes about it? Yeah I know theYre not "little adults" and their brains don't work like ours but they're still little assholes. Every goddamn night is the same shit…”
“Hello, esteemed council of dads. Partly a vent but mostly advice-seeking here. I am dealing with an extremely defiant 3.5 year old who can't listen to shit except what he wants to do. I understand a lot of that is normal for the age. It is exhausting, and beyond that, defeating…”
Parents are experiencing increased negotiation and bargaining from their young children, who frequently preface requests with the phrase 'but only if'. This behavior is described as frustrating and challenging for parents.
SOURCES (17)
“Idk what to do. My 4yo used to eat all sorts of foods for meals and I had no issue with a snack bar or yogurt pouch or something like that before bed. Now the kid will actively shun meals, say “I’m full” without eating,…”
“My son is 11 and I'm still telling him every single morning to pack his bag, feed the cat, bring his cleats. If I don't say it, it literally does not happen, and then it's somehow my fault the cat's hungry. I keep going back and forth on whether I'm enabling this. Part of me thinks he's old enough that forgetting should just mean facing the consequence, like sitting out practice or explaining to the coach why he has no cleats. The other part thinks that's harsh for 11”
“Wife and I had some conversations earlier this week and have agreed to go to marriage counseling…for the second time. When we did it a year ago, the kids just thought we were going on date nights or doing something while grandma watched them. But now I think our oldest is starting to suspect and even our youngest may start asking more questions, as they are in that phase of asking questions about everything. Torn between being honest (to a degree) about the help we’re trying to seek and also jus”
“Mostly all in the title. We've got lots of stuff, especially books, that were more interesting early on but that are upsetting when we try to get rid of them. I'm sure part of this is just having to balance ripping the bandaid off with letting some things stay because they're meaningful. This feels like a possible teaching moment I don't have a lot of context or ideas for yet, though. So I'm asking for help and perspective. What have you seen work well with teaching your kids”
“Ive read all about transitions and not wanting the day to be over blah blah but why do they have to be such assholes about it? Yeah I know theYre not "little adults" and their brains don't work like ours but they're still little assholes. Every goddamn night is the same shit where they don't listen. I just can't. submitted by /u/8O0o0O8 [link] [comments]”
“I had a 15-18 month old kid in the office once and he was super excited about his snack and dancing (I’ll dance over good food too, I get where the kid was coming from!) and as I was leaving the room I said something to the effect of “aww, he’s doing a cracker dance”…to be clear, I was the only white person in this scenario. I still die inside when I think about it. All to say, lots of us have been there OP 🥴”
“Hey boys, I'm pushing 50 and the last 4 years has been hard. Having a kid so late in life, I knew was gonna be taxing. But things could have gone a lot smoother. 1. The day before my kid's 4th birthday, she decided she didn't want boobie anymore. Just like that. Every night and every nap was falling asleep while attached to the wife. She just said nope. 4 years to the night that my wife went into labour, she slept a whole night without being woken up by our kid asking for boobie. Jus”
“Haven't slept more than 5 hours/night in the past week. One of my preteens has been acting argumentative and entitled all weekend. She's not normally like this, and she's 11, and it's the age, I get it. But I am tired and grumpy and overstimulated and hiding in the basement with my popsicle so my younger kids don't see it and whine about wanting a popsicle too. Just needed to throw that out into the ether. Not looking for advice, unless it's about popsicle flavours, but s”
“constant sudden meltdowns “no I dont want ice cream!” i want it, no I dont want it fighting everything submitted by /u/TiltMyChinUp [link] [comments]”
“My kids were definitely like that when they were younger. One even stayed with the grands instead of going to Europe but now that they’re all in HS they seem to enjoy the family trips a bit more.”
“We have 2 boys (22/20). We have always emphasized education and their main "job" was school. As long as they had good grades; we never limited them. They didn't have curfews, we let them host parties, we got them a new car, we bought them whatever they needed and most of what they wanted. We love our kids and are extremely proud of them and we let them know. Older kid is about to graduate with a Mechanical Engineering degree and already has a job lined up. He has a good set of frie”
“Oh, eleven-year-olds! They know so much at that age (or think they do), and their very existence entitles them to special treatment (or they and sometimes their parents think it does). Life is about to get tough for her, but you won’t have to deal with it.”
“Hello, esteemed council of dads. Partly a vent but mostly advice-seeking here. I am dealing with an extremely defiant 3.5 year old who can't listen to shit except what he wants to do. I understand a lot of that is normal for the age. It is exhausting, and beyond that, defeating, because it feels like I'm not able to teach him anything and help him grow as a person. Maybe I'm expecting too much, which leads me to the real question, which is about styles of managing this behavior. My w”
“One of those days today where there’s a feeling of “when is this going to end?” My daughter is almost two and has learned the use of the magic word “no,” and used it to absolute full effect. Slept like garbage last night, napped like garbage after, and just full bore screamed every time she didn’t get exactly what she wanted. Bath was a nightmare, but once she was dressed and I asked her to pick a bedtime book from her rack, she picked “My no, no, no day.” We read it one time, she did her usual”
“We're in the same boat, we come with coloring books, puzzles, little toys, deal with the boredom, the hiding under tables, the whining, the nonsense but we've held the line. Keep up the good fight comrades! submitted by /u/GrilledSoap [link] [comments]”
“I don't know what it is about the fourth year of life but it has transformed my eldest daughter into a pawn shop owner with a chinstrap beard and a flat brimmed hat worn at an angle. ANY occasion is an opportunity for negotiation, wheeling and dealing and hard bargaining. Any portion of non-carbohydrate food isn't a meal, it's an opening offer. Any outing that requires a reasonable state of dress and necessary supplies is a bill introduced to the house floor, ripe for additional ride”
“I’m a 27 year old dad to a 20m old, super active, non-sleeping boy. By no means am I here to complain I love every second of it but to say my sleep is ‘great’ would be a HUGE understatement. Over the past month or so he’s been sleeping substantially better at night allowing my wife and I 6-8hrs of consecutive sleep. With this I assumed cognitive function would be somewhat replenished from before but I feel it’s actually worse than when I was getting 1-4hrs a night (slow recall, slow processing,”