Fathers feel overwhelmed caring for babies

“Long time reader, First time poster. Me (33) and my girlfriend (30) have a 9 month old son with a second son expected in January. I’ll try to summarize this as best as possible. Il struggling mentally fellas. When she was pregnant with our first son the rage from her was on a daily basis. When he was born it was blaming everything on me. I took two months off work and she took 6. I did everything under the sun for both of them, didnt sleep, didnt eat, did every chore/duty possible, was always th”

“I need some help. I'm struggling. I'm a new dad, daughter is 8 months. I'm abit older, late 30s, if that makes a difference. I'm struggling with my family and feeling abit unsupported. My sister has 3 kids, who naturally have had alot of attention from all of us. Weekends became my parents essentially watching her kids play football. I've got little interest in sports, so I generally don't go. Now I've got my own daughter, I just don't feel like its the same. I&#3”

“Happened this evening, wife was at work and I'm home with our 9 month old son. I'm playing guitar on the floor by him and singing while he's crawling around in the living room. He found a spray bottle in the corner that we use to spray the cats when they scratch the furniture. I don't notice at the time but he takes the cap off the bottle with his mouth, and then goes back to crawling around, comes over to me and acts like nothing is out of the ordinary. Then when I stand up I no”

“My wife often gets upset towards me on the premise that I’m not doing as much as she is in terms of child caring. She’s says she never gets time to decompress, which I totally get. In truth she probably does 60-70% of the child care, so she’s not wrong in terms of actual time put in. I just feel like there’s a difference between me not doing enough and childcare genuinely being harder for me right now. She’s 10 months, still breastfeeding, and clearly prefers mom. When they are together, they ca”

“First time parent and I will start of saying no playbook or what anyone tells you could of prepared us to go on this next journey. Its so hard to express how I feel but I love our LO so much and the little moments that a little human being does, even if its a smile makes it all worth it! Our LO is 2 weeks old and my wife is EBF, cluster feeding was an eye opening concept to me and it did not help either of us trying to recover from sleep deprivation. I feel like I can barely help with anything b”

“Hey guys, so new father here. Have a 5 month old little girl. Love her to death but man am I struggling. Heres what im struggling with. 1• I cannot get ANYTHING done around the house it seems. She only naps for 30 minutes and it has to be a contact nap on my chest, sometimes ill get lucky and can transfer her to the bassinet and throw a load of laundry in or maybe get the dishwasher loaded. But usually she’ll wake right up no matter how smoothly I transfer her. 2• When she is up she HAS to be gl”

“Hi dads. First time father here. About a week ago, little man started getting his first cold. Coughing, sneezing, all the usual symptoms. I wasn't too worried, just kept his nose clear with saline spray and a nasal aspirator, kept on top of the Calpol and made sure he was getting plenty of fluids and rest. Day 3 we started to notice some minor crackling and wheezing in his chest. Took him up to the local hospital, Doc said it was just minor bronchilitis and that it should resolve itself in a”

“Asked my men’s group the same question but figured this would be a great place to ask as well. Thank you in advance dads! *edit: son is 4 months old* submitted by /u/BetterPersonProject [link] [comments]”

“Im ranting here as I know its not fair to rant to my wife who is 3 weeks post partum. For the last 3 weeks have been running around after my toddler (and my wife) stressing to her to not do any lifting, particularly of our toddler who is disabled so can't toddle yet. Hes 16kg of pure joy but requires assistance moving or picking up to get from A to B. I have begged my wife to take it easy and slow down but today her back went. Just as I was thinking things were going to get a bit easier, its”

“Hello, I’m 28 years old and my wife and I just welcomed a beautiful little girl. I am finding myself struggling with the transition. My patience is so thin and I am worried I might snap. It’s been overwhelming as my wife and I try to figure out how to get sleep, and I have no idea how we will do this once I go back to work. I’m curious what other dads have done to keep their sanity, while also being a good husband and father. What routines worked well for you guys? submitted by /u/Mr”

“For background I should mention that my son was born with a heart defect. I'm not going to go into huge detail because I've vented about this here. The short of it is we had a month stay in the hospital which I wasn't financially or emotionally ready for after he was born. After some stent placements and close monitoring he went home with blood thinner medication. Over the next 6 months of his life he had 5 or 6 blue spells which were scary for my wife and I. On his 6 month birthday”

“My kid is due in January and I can't wait to be a dad. However, I have lumbar and cervical spine issues that make my life hard as it is (Physio, massage, IMS, etc haven't helped in 10 years and many different practitioners). I have low-grade pain daily and occasionally I'll throw something out and be immobile for 2 weeks... Everything I read makes me conclude I'm screwed. I'm especially scared of cribs. Why are they all so low, even on the highest adjustable setting?? I tried”

“Hi guys, I'm the father of our 7 week old baby. Between me and my wife, I'm more mentally resillient. She mentions this from time to time. I really try to talk with her about her troubles. It's hard caring for a newborn, especially now that I've started working after being home for 6 weeks. To sum it up, she's having one heck of a physical recovery. Torn from front to back, prolapsong uterus and slight pelvic instability. Aside from that, she's deadset on breastfeeding an”

“My husband is a very emotionally and physically involved dad. However he and I have had arguments that he doesn’t take baby‘s safety seriously and that everyone “overreacts” or “wants to make money off parents“ referring to subjects like car seat expiration or infant CPR class. I am already CPR certified for work and I’ve asked him to take the class before our baby starts solids and he keeps saying no, that it’s not necessary, he is smart enough to know what to do and I am being overly anxious.”

“Hey all, need some reassurance on here that I am not a totally unfit parent that should be bashing themselves and crying nonstop like I am rn. My LO is 4 months old. For background context, birth was a bit traumatic - found out she was breech last minute and had a scheduled C section, she didn't breathe well when she was born so she was in NICU for 3 days. All healthy now thank God. But I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety AND depression for which I am taking meds. It has been really hard”

“Hey Dads! FTM here looking for some advice for how I can support my husband. Our daughter is 3 weeks old. My husband is such an amazing guy and father. I noticed a little bit of….withdraw (I guess is the best word to use) the past few days and today we talked and he said he feels as though he’s not really needed right now for her, and feels a bit upset about it. Not in a whiny, woe is me way, but just seemed a little bummed. I’m breastfeeding so I obviously have her a lot because she’s a hungry”

“My wife is 2 days out from her due date and I am terrified of her being in pain ( she is planning to get an epidural but still) . She had a membrane sweep two days ago from her midwife and it was very painful for her to the point she had to yell at the midwife to stop, and it left me feeling all kinds of bad afterwards. I am so worried about her delivery and labor because I hate seeing my wife in pain and I have a full sympathetic response to her when she is hurting... How did all of you deal wi”

“Dads of daddit, I’m seeking advice of a struggle I’m going through. My wife and I have a 13 month old son, who is amazing, honestly a very easy kiddo. He’s been sleeping through the night since he was four months old, doesn’t really fuss, just kind of an easy going guy. That being said he isn’t the focus of this post. Something my wife and I have been struggling with is connecting. I should specify that I, personally, don’t feel like we are connecting, emotionally or intimately. Bringing a kid i”

“Kiddo is just getting over being sick and the wife is violently ill. So after 3.5 hrs of sleep last night being on solo-sick kid duty and periodically making sure my wife was okay, I was dreading putting kiddo down for her nap. She has never, in her life, gone to sleep without being boobed to sleep. I tried once and there was immediate screaming (not crying. Screaming.) that somehow kept getting worse as the time went on and we gave up. But this time, it wasn't an option. I made the morning”

“My wife and I have a 3.5 year old girl and a 16 month old son. We are thinking of having a third. I’m curious to know how my fellow dads are doing. Our first was the easiest baby and our second was not. How has man defense vs. zone defense been and how are you doing men’s health to men’s health. submitted by /u/Morgz0107 [link] [comments]”

“Hi Dads! New first time dad here to an adorable 12 week old boy. A few days ago I handled my first bath time solo (usually my wife and I do bath time together) and my lower back and knees were not ready! I just turned 34 recently and want to be able to keep playing with my baby for longer stretches as he gets more active! I’ve got some weight to lose, but with a desk job and gaming hobby I know I’ve got more to work on 😅. Any stretches some dads can recommend to help with mobility and being abl”

“My mom (shared primary childcare) had knee surgery yesterday, my husband (other primary childcare) is at an event for our church - we thought he'd be able to take the baby along, but due to the heat we decided I'd stay home with him. My female cat has a bladder stone and I think she's started to pee in baby's playpen, so I've got to figure out how to clean that out. So that's $1600 I don't have laying around. Plus the general chaos of having a hound that randomly star”

“Our daughter is 2.5 and it feels like the ability to do anything has progressively disappeared. I really enjoy being a dad but I can’t do anything on my own anymore, and my health is paying the price. I can’t exercise, can’t get enough sleep, can’t recharge, hobbies are all dwindling. I’m not sure I’d do this again if I knew it would be like this even with as much as I love my daughter. I didn’t realize being a dad would be the only thing I was within a few years. thanks. Edit: thank you for all”

“Our baby is one year old and demands from us to stay on the floor with him playing or whatever at least some part of the day. But, just before getting married my wife and I were in a bad car accident. As a result, she has back problems and I have several issues with my leg. This means we are very unconfortable being on the floor, I can't really cross my legs and she gets hurt with the hard floor. Are there any "floor chair" or "floor sofa" maybe even with wheels so we can”

“As I am writing this, I am very confused about baby boy care. Our pediatrician and a pediatric nephrologist instructed us at the 1-month visit to retract the skin on the 'guy below' when taking a bath (once a week). Fast forward to today (almost 3 months old), there is redness and edema at the tip. We got a prescription for antibiotic cream and it has gotten better since. However, my husband and I are now reading that this is not an up-to-date recommendation. Should we stop doing it desp”

“Has anyone here dealt with paternal postpartum depression? I think my husband may be experiencing this but I’m not sure? He loves the baby but he’s really struggling with the transition in to fatherhood and the fact that he’s not “perfect”. I’ll admit at times I will nitpick and say things that aren’t 100% building his confidence as a dad but we’re FTPs and I’m just trying to do the best I can too :/ I’m not sure how to help him? I’m not experiencing any depression myself but I am dealing with s”

“Does life change forever? Our daughter is on her way. Wife is very pregnant. First time parent here. Does she just show up and that’s life now? Nothing will ever be the same? Just kinda mind blown by this. Any one else in my shoes? submitted by /u/donotdoillegalthings [link] [comments]”

“Just had our first little girl 2 months ago and somehow I made it pretty good. Baby is happy and healthy sleeping regularly and wife is a rockstar and our relationship couldn’t be better. The problem I’m dealing with is our family dog having terminal bone cancer. Question is how does one deal with watching in this case my dog knowing this is the last time they will do this or that while keeping my bearing. Dog is 8 and is the centerpiece of our home outside of baby now but still the heartbeat of”

“Hey fellow dads, I want to start this post by saying I am here for genuine criticism and/or actual advice, so I appreciate any brutal honesty. Me and my girlfriend have a 4 week old daughter. She had a pretty rough pregnancy, dealing with depression and I’m still not clear on this but she claims I was an awful partner during her pregnancy (which could be entirely true). Our daughter’s birth was amazing from my perspective. I feel like it connected us in a way we haven’t been in a very long time.”

“My daughter was born one week ago (yay!), and my wife and I are totally obsessed with her. We’re exhausted but so, so happy. That said, in the few weeks leading up to her birth, periodically during labor, and now about once a day, I’ve been having these very physical panic attacks. I’ll get a slightly dizzy/floaty feeling while I’m in public or around family, and then I start panicking that I’m going to pass out, which creates a pretty brutal feedback loop. It typically quiets down when I can si”

“I don’t know if the flair fits or not but hello everyone! I am a disabled vet who has now taken on the role of stay-at-home dad! I am concerned that my son (7 months and was born 6 weeks early) is very easily distracted and it is incredibly hard to break his focus. If my dogs walk past him he stares at them for upwards of 5 minutes straight, all the while I am trying to get his attention for playtime or eating. I figured it was normal because he’s a baby who is just learning and exploring but on”

“Hi dads, last night I cried for the first time in a long time. I've shed a tear here and there since my son was born (he is now almost two) out of happiness but last night was a full on, uncontrolled emotional rollercoaster that just came out of nowhere. I am lying on the loungeroom floor with my wife next to me and our little one nested between the two of us, looking up at the ceiling where we have projected a picture of the moon. Our son would point at it and chat to hiself but was otherwi”

“My daughter is four months old now and everyone kept telling me the sleep would get better. It has, but now I catch myself worrying about things I never used to think about. Driving, daycare, money, even whether she's breathing when she's asleep. I know new parents worry, but sometimes it feels like my brain just never turns off anymore. Did this level out for anyone else? submitted by /u/Fit-Original1314 [link] [comments]”

“My wife is 8 months pregnant and her energy levels have dropped significantly. I noticed that my daily energy levels, interest in things (gym, going for walks etc) also dipped significantly and now is taking a toll on me as in I feel I'm not doing anything or the week go by without anything significant to show for. I understand pregnancy is hard for the mom and I really want to be the rock for my wife but I've realized she was the initiative taker on enjoying the good weather, trying to”

“I just need to vent out. I’m a father of a 1 and 3 year old. I and my wife have zero time for much. It seems like we can’t take care of ourselves. We are both overweight, the heaviest we have ever been. Im trying to find a new career to transition to so my wife can remain home and stay with our children, but I find no time to do that. Any advice for this phase helps. submitted by /u/Clean-Locksmith9826 [link] [comments]”

“Hey fellow dads. My wife and I finally welcomed our baby girl six weeks early in June. She is now two months and I love her more that I ever thought possible. We struggled for 11 years to get her and experienced a few losses along the way. I feel terrible and so guilty for feeling like I do now though. I have been feeling this constant background loneliness that doesn't seem to go away. The friends I grew up with never really grew up and we lost contact a few years ago. They aren't reall”

“Wife and I have a beautiful 6 mo. boy. He is amazing, very smart and a great sleeper all things considered. I tell people we certainly got lucky with him he’s so unbelievably chill. He was hospitalized 5 or 6 times with heart issues but we’re in the up so we’ll skate past that. Going through all the new parent things many of yall are/have like being tired and dealing with losing your identity while making a new one, as a dad. I am having a lot of trouble finding energy to do much of anything. I”

“When my son was 6 weeks old, my wife was having such a hard time with everything that she told me she hated and resented me for having a baby. Today, he's 3.5 months old and I found her crying because she imagined him moving out of home when he's like 20 or something. She's head over heels in love with him and her confidence has grown so much. Anyway, the hormones pass and it definitely gets better. Hang in there Dads. submitted by /u/iBangedTheWaitress [link] [comm”

“I don’t know how else to explain it… like yes it’s stressful and yes at times I’m begging for my 2.5 year old son to take a nap but when he does I find myself just waiting till he’s up. So we can go to a museum or something. Being a dad has taught me that if I just get my shit together a little bit… sleep early, wake up when my son does I’ll suffer a lot less and enjoy a lot more. My son is in the phase where he’s speaking full sentences and is expressing so much affection. I always loved kids,”

“Hello fellow dadditors. I am a first time father of a 6 month old boy. As many fathers do, I was playing the nom-nom game with him. He was lying on his back on the play mat, and as I went to nom-nom on his little chubby arms. He got a nice hold of my hair with both his hands, and started kicking me in the face and neck. He landed a few powerful kicks on my throat. What martial arts technique was that? I have seen cats do that to their prey. How can I teach him to kick carefully so that he doesn&”

“So I’m an older dad, 39, and this is our first baby, who is almost 7 months old. I love him so much but I’m struggling to keep up with his energy levels. When he wakes up he’s good to go for 2 hours straight playing and when I leave him to play by himself he starts crying. How do I get out of this? I need 15 mins (at least) to collect myself and I take the mornings as she is often up in the night with the little man. I’m exhausted and worried about resenting him. submitted by /u/ingl”

“Hi ya’ll! First time dad here. I’ve been constantly stressed/worried that I mishandled my child and that I have hurt her. From thinking i have caused SBS (from rocking my little one too hard),to mistakenly picking her up by the neck while readjusting her on my lap (i was running low on sleep) I can’t seen to get a break from these intrusive thoughts thinking that I did something to my LO. Luckily I have a great therapist that I’ve been talking to about this, but i was wondering if there are any”

“This will be a long one, and maybe more negative tones than most of the posts here, but I appreciate everyone who reads through to the end. My wife is everything to me, been together 7+ years, about to hit year 4 married, and things couldn’t be better between us. We’re each others best friend, talk about and do everything together, and definitely help each other through all the hard moments. We’re in the hospital currently for induction, but not for bad reasons. We’re full term at 39 and a half”

“Dad of 14mo old. Wife is 3 days post meniscus repair surgery. I thought the newborn trenches were hard, but this shit is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I obviously can’t complain to my wife since she has it worse than me so I just have to suck it up. Handling every meal, every diaper, every nap/bedtime/bath, every walk and playtime. And that’s just the baby. Wife needs help with any movement, going to the bathroom, taking a shower, crying in pain multiple times a day. I bring her food,”