Parents Feel Burdened by Financial Strain from Raising Children
12 posts across 7 communities in the last 30 days; 25% from r/recruitinghell.
“And not having any more kids until you can afford a roof over your existing family’s heads. I wonder if MIL is tired of taking care of their adult children and grand children.”
“People always say having a kid is cheap but more conscious people know they don't want to force their kids to grow up poor. [re: I guess I'll live with my parents forever]”
“People have kids for many reasons, and all of them are selfish, so don’t expect parents to be selfless saints towards their kids. [re: I've lost confidence in myself]”
Several users express regret about having children young and acknowledge the significant financial burden it creates. They describe past hardships, including poverty and making sacrifices to provide for their families, often masking difficulties with a positive spin.
SOURCES (24)
“I don't understand why parents sponsor their kids frat parties. They should earn for themselves to understand the value of money. It isn't like he's going to take care of you in the old age home [re: How to walk away]”
“People always say having a kid is cheap but more conscious people know they don't want to force their kids to grow up poor. [re: I guess I'll live with my parents forever]”
“People have kids for many reasons, and all of them are selfish, so don’t expect parents to be selfless saints towards their kids. [re: I've lost confidence in myself]”
“Even ignoring the extra housing costs associated with them, kids get more expensive as they grow. Having fatfired myself a bit north of your target and with three kids I personally am glad I was conservative on allowing for spending growth. I would say my family spend outside of housing roughly doubled from when I had two kids under 3 to when I had three preteen/teens. (To be fair, some of this is driven by travel which is ~1/3 of our budget so ymmv.) I also had a multi year RSU style comp so re”
“I just want to discuss this thought process when it comes to actually having a child. We are one and done by choice. We value time, energy, money and hobbies. As well as the ability to focus directly on our son and provide for him as best we can. I was always either child free or one and done. But when considering having a child and discussing this with other child free people, this phrase always popped up. "I don't want a child because of the state of the world" But... the world h”
“And not having any more kids until you can afford a roof over your existing family’s heads. I wonder if MIL is tired of taking care of their adult children and grand children.”
“In some ways, yes. Poverty is expensive. They tried to do cheap things that ended up costing them more. It's a vicious cycle. My parents never had a budget, never really strategized. They spent so much energy in the here-and-now that they couldn't even think about the future. It's easy for me to judge, but I feel had they been a little more long-term about their money they and me would be in a very different spot.”
“And individual therapy because raising kids often makes you realize your own childhood was crap 🫣”
“Society, religion, media, etc. teaches us that family is supposed to be what's really important to us... but that's never really the case. Society in the US is organized around extracting labor from us, and using families as leverage. No guaranteed sick time, no guaranteed parental leave, no public healthcare or health insurance, no social safety net. Put 'em in a daycare 9 to 5 so that you can go run your rat race maze to put food on the table for the hour or two per day that you ge”
“Your kids care way less about nice new things and way more about spending time with their parents and family. Dont teach them that happiness comes from things.”
“People with busy careers and decent incomes in the previous generation chose to have SAHS. This generation wants it all, and is one of the big reasons there are fewer kids. My SO takes care of the house. I do ok but make some sacrifices because of 1 income. Works out well for everybody.”
“Yes. And more than one. - My mother could have pursued a career after having me. . My father could have tried to get a better job or a promotion instead of keeping the same minimum wage job his entire life. . My mother should have checked the bank account instead of letting my father control it alone; the money 'disappeared' and she didn't know. - They should have checked their expenses more carefully; they never did. - They should have saved, but they never did. - They should have p”
“My parents were awful with money and made such poor choices. Back in the late 90s they won 50k with the lottery. Instead of wisely investing it they completely squandered it. Same with the 100k payout my dad got from a company. Instead of fully paying off the house they spent it on god knows what. Dad also got laid off, had a mechanical engineering degree. Instead of getting something higher paying and stable, decided to just drive pizzas and work low paying jobs until I was in grade 8-9. Also h”
“No I genuinely think they are the victims of a terrible system in the US that purposely keeps certain people poor since the late 70s. If anything, they're amazing for making certain sacrifices that ensured my own financial betterment despite a complete lack of financial literacy, just trial and error that I benefited from.”
“I envy anyone who has a bad day and actually gets yelled at and disciplined rather than have to comfort their own parent. It's like dealing with a child. I'm supposed to be the one being comforted. Instead I have to "deal with the consequences" and comfort my emotionally stunted mom who thinks being yelled at is the end of the world. There's no room for me to come down from my own emotions. There's no support nor discipline. I have to deal with the crippling anxiety of”
“I read comments like this and just pray I am never in a situation like yours. thanks for your post”
“My ex husband and I married when I was 19. I spent ages 21-29 having our 5 children. We. Were. Broke! I got creative with a lot of things learned how to make my own bread, the value of beans and rice grew a little garden, passed down clothes, only shopped at resale stores and occasionally we had to have help from the community and our church. As soon as our youngest got into kindergarten, I became a school bus driver, so I could be on the kids schedule. After 10 years as a stay at home Mom my Go”
“The economy sucks it's not your fault you are doing right by your family chin up my friend”
“Hey, you’re doing the best you can, right? What more could you ask of current-you? You’re going to focus and do a great job in your HVAC program, and you’ve got your health and your family. You can’t go back, but you can do this and make it better.”
“You struggle now but enjoy it later. I also had kids young, not even 50 and my kids are adults. We have a great time together, I’ll be around for a large part of their lives (🤞🏼) and get to experience so much with them. Work towards getting the life you want. Try for jobs that offer stability and benefits and upward mobility. Large company, state or federal government. Think about relocating, see what’s out there. HVAC is a universal skill/trade, go with that, add in electric or plumbing and e”
“We were poor as shit when my oldest was little. It was rough, but we made things fun for her. Every pain in the ass thing we had to do we told her was “for fun”. Let’s make our own tortillas, that will be fun. We’re going to park on the other side of the river and walk the mile over the pedestrian bridge, such a good view. Mommy is sewing you a special dress out of this old t-shirt of daddy’s. Only now that she’s a teenager, and are doing well, have I started talking about those times.”